


The Magic In Me

by justyrae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Anal Sex, Angst, Boys Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Head Injury, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Public Sex, Quidditch, Rimming, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2016-04-26
Packaged: 2018-06-04 09:49:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6653023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis returns home after a Quidditch injury leaves him a shell of his former self and there he reconnects with Niall, a Muggle who was his best friend before Louis started Hogwarts. He knows nothing about Louis' life as a wizard but wants to be friends again even though Louis can't explain his ten-year absence without spilling his magical secret which he just <i>can't</i> do. Can Louis let himself befriend Niall all over again at the risk of hurting both of them if it goes sour?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Magic In Me

**Author's Note:**

> there's never enough hp au, is there? i've had this idea for a while (although in its first incarnation it was zouis and we all know how that turned out) and i'm so happy with how this fic turned out. i think the greatest achievements of this fic are 1. harry weasley (bc harry would 100% be just like arthur weasley if he were a wizard, and 2. bobby trying his damnedest to get niall laid. you'll see.
> 
> super big hugs to my betas J and C, love you guys!
> 
> title from "Magic" by B.o.B.

 

It's stupid really, when Louis has a moment to actually think about what he's going to do. He's practically being forced out of the flat he shares with his teammate and friend (Louis is seriously debating adding _former_ to not just one but both descriptions - no matter what happens) Liam, all because of a couple of nightmares. And a few panic attacks. Maybe one breakdown, but Louis still isn't owning up to that actually being a thing that happened.

He didn't have a breakdown, he just had a long moment of panic. Or something.

Either way it shouldn't result in Louis being _forced_ to apparate to his mum's house and spend a considerable (read: indefinite) amount of time there.

"You do know I could just apparate back here whenever I like, right?" Louis snaps as Liam thrusts a bag into his hands.

"You could, but you won't," Liam says in return with a clap to Louis' shoulder.

"Says you." Louis frowns and glares at Liam. "I dunno why you're insisting I leave, I'll be just _fine_ here."

"Your mum misses you," Liam explains for the umpteenth time, "and you need to get away after… y'know."

"Christ," Louis mutters, "you can say it out loud, Liam, I--"

"I'm just saying," Liam interrupts, "it'll be good for you. Clear your head, and all that."

"Fine," he grumbles, dropping his eyes away from Liam's and glaring at the floor instead, "but I won't like it. You know my mum lives around _Muggles_."

"Hey, my dad's a Muggle." Liam pouts. "You love my dad."

"Your dad's an exception." Louis huffs. "I still dunno why my mum hasn't moved. Maybe I could convince her now that my head's all fucked up, yeah?" Louis grins at Liam but the joke immediately falls flat and Louis huffs again. "You're no fun, Payno."

"Your head's not all fucked up," Liam says softly, as though he's offended by Louis' joke on behalf of Louis himself. "You shouldn't say that."

"It is though, a little." Louis shakes his head. "Everyone seems to think so, otherwise you wouldn't be forcing me to go stay with my mum."

"It'll be good for you," Liam repeats despite Louis' scowl. "Tell you what, I'll come visit once you get settled."

"You promise?" Louis asks, his scowl turning into a nervously hopeful expression as he looks at Liam.

"Of course." Liam smiles. "Now go already, your mum's expecting you."

Louis rolls his eyes. "Fine."

He reaches out to pinch Liam's nipple roughly seconds before he disappears into thin air, still cackling as he suddenly appears in his mum's living room. His laughter fades quickly as he glances around the room and notices that hardly anything has changed since the last time he was here - or really, since the last time he _lived_ here.

"Louis?" Jay's voice carries from another part of the house, "is that you?"

"It's me, Mum," he calls back as he adjusts the strap of the bag slung over his shoulder. He takes a deep breath before he heads for the kitchen, assuming he'll find his mum in there. She's standing at the sink when he comes through the door and drops his bag next to the kitchen table before walking swiftly over to her so he can wrap his arms around her in a hug.

Annoyed about being forced out of his flat or no, he always misses his mum.

"Hello, my darling," she murmurs as she turns to give him a proper hug, "long trip?"

"Yeah, just awful," he replies with a smirk, their private joke never failing even after all these years. "Where are the babies?"

"Upstairs with the twins," she answers. Jay takes a deep breath as she scans Louis' face, fixing his fringe with her hand before she grazes her fingers across his cheek.

"Mum," he says in a soft tone, already seeing the tears in her eyes before she says another word.

"I'm just happy to have you home," she says thickly, her voice choked up in such a way that Louis is sure she's trying not to burst into tears. "I was so worried when I got that owl--"

"I'm fine, Mum." Louis pulls her into another hug and tucks his face against her shoulder. "Barely had to stay at St. Mungo's at all."

"Barely at all," she tuts as she pinches Louis' side and makes him yelp. "I sat by your bedside for a week thinking I'd lost you, don't tell me it was barely at all!"

"Sorry," he mumbles, feeling especially ashamed from the severely unimpressed look on Jay's face. "I'm alright though."

"Are you?" she asks as she touches Louis' face again, her eyes searching for something that he's not even sure exists anymore. He looks away and tries to put on a brave face despite knowing deep down that he might as well be a ghost because his mum can certainly see right through him.

"Yeah," he says, unsure of who he's trying to convince more: himself or his mum. He fakes a laugh and takes her hand, tugging her in the direction of the stairs. "C'mon, let's see what the twins are up to."

*

The thing is, Louis is well aware of the fact that magic is all around them even despite his mum living more or less incognito in a Muggle town. Her house is full of magical things and she's constantly doing spells here and there whether out of necessity or for entertainment, but he can't help but wonder if being _home_ is a bit of magic all on its own.

He'll never admit it to his face, but Liam was right: being back at his mum's is good for him. It clears his head and the nightmares stop waking him up at all hours of the night, allowing him the first good night's sleep in ages. He feels less jittery as a result and he starts to think that his panic attacks are a thing of the past as well.

It's all going perfectly well until it's not.

The backyard of his mum's house has an enchantment surrounding it, partly to ward off dark magic but mostly to keep the girls hidden so they can play wizard games like Exploding Snap or Gobstones without drawing the eyes of their nosy Muggle neighbors.

Technically it's Louis' fault that they're not allowed to play Exploding Snap in the house anymore, but he refuses to admit it.

Daisy and Phoebe drag Louis outside one morning under the guise of playing a game but the twins quickly start bickering about what game they _actually_ want to play now that Louis' agreed to join them. Daisy wants to play Wizard's Chess because everyone in the house stopped playing with her ages ago since she always seems to win, but Phoebe won't stand for it.

"Only two people can play!" she whines, "that's not fair!"

"You never play it with me, that's not fair!" Daisy whines back.

"What about Gobstones? We haven't played that in ages," Phoebe says as she looks up at Louis with wide eyes. Before he can answer Daisy cuts in with a loud groan.

"No, I hate Gobstones!"

"You only hate it because last time we played you lost!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Dais, Phoebs, c'mon now." Louis takes one of their hands in each of his own and leads them over to the cupboard where all the games are kept. "How about I pick one, yeah?"

Neither of them seem very impressed with his suggestion but they stop fighting long enough for him to open the door. Whoever closed it last didn't do a very good job of packing it up (Louis suspects it was Félicité, probably charmed it to make it all fit) because several items spill out onto the ground when the door swings open.

"Ooh!" Daisy squeals as she grabs one of the toy brooms that was stashed inside, "let's play Quidditch instead!"

"Yeah!" Phoebe shouts. "Quidditch! Can we, Louis, can we?"

Louis swallows harshly as he looks down at the brooms, his blood suddenly pounding in his ears as his heart races inside of his chest. He doesn't even have to reach out towards one to suddenly remember what it felt like the last time he held a broom in his hand, and the blinding terror when he lost his grip.

He loses control of his breathing and he starts seeing stars before his eyes, feeling dizzy as his legs all but give out underneath him and he falls down to his knees. He can hear his sisters asking him what's wrong and their voices get more and more panicky the longer he goes without saying a word as he gasps for breath. They scream for Jay and run to her side when she comes to the door, ushering them inside quickly before she gets to Louis.

"Lou? Lou, baby, can you hear me?"

He can't get his voice to work and he shuts his eyes to try and stop the world from spinning around him, but all he sees is the memory he's been trying so hard to forget. He's falling all over again.

What feels like just a few minutes between when he closes his eyes and when he opens them again is actually hours, and Louis finds himself tucked into his bed. The room is dark and the house is quiet but according to his watch it's still early enough in the evening that his mum should be up.

He all but tiptoes past the twins' room, he doesn't have the heart to peek in there and apologize for giving them a fright. He hadn't been sure what their mum had told them in the first place and he shudders to think what they might know now. Mental or not, he's still their big brother and he wants them to feel safe with him.

The door to Félicité's room is also shut but Louis has no doubt that she's also heard of the day's events and he passes by her door as quickly as he can. The shame he carries with him is getting to be so much of a burden that he's starting to feel it deep within his bones, wearing him down little by little until he's sure there won't be anything left.

Louis finds his mum in the living room with Dan and the babies, and as he sits down on the couch next to them he tries his best to ignore the worried looks they share when they think he's not looking. He carefully takes Ernest out of Dan's arms when he offers, choosing to focus on the tiny baby in his arms rather than the nervous look he fears is all over his mum's face.

"How'd you sleep, Lou?"

"Good, I guess," he mumbles, keeping his voice low as Ernest wraps his fist around Louis' finger. Part of him wishes he could switch places with Ernest and start all over; reset everything in his life and do everything he can to not end up a failure.

"Feeling better?" Dan asks tentatively. Louis understands that Dan's showing his support and he appreciates the gesture, but the last thing he wants to talk about is his episode from earlier today.

"M'fine, thanks."

"Louis," Jay says gently as she switches places with Dan on the couch and hands Doris to him so she can put her arm around Louis.

"Mum, m'fine." He avoids looking at her and keeps staring down at Ernest, taking comfort in the fact that the babies are too young to know how fucked up Louis is.

"I know you are," Jay says as she leans over and kisses his temple, "but magic doesn't cure everything, love. Sometimes it helps to talk about things." Louis starts to interrupt but the moment he looks in her eyes his objection disappears entirely. "Maybe you don't feel like you need to do that, but I worry that you don't see how much it's affected you."

"I'm fine," he says as his voice shakes. "I'm sorry for scaring the girls earlier but Mum, I swear, I'm fine."

"Okay," Jay replies softly as she runs her fingers through Louis' fringe. He sees the tears in her eyes and it makes his heart ache so badly that he has to turn away.

"I think, um," Louis clears his throat and shifts Ernest around in his arms before he hands him over to his mum, suddenly feeling like he shouldn't be allowed to hold his baby brother any longer, "I think I might need to go for a walk or something, get some air."

"Alright, love." Jay smiles at him but it doesn't quite reach her eyes and Louis knows full well that she doesn't believe him when he says he's fine. She may not push him tonight but it's only a matter of time before he'll be baring his soul to her, he just knows it.

He leaves through the front door as quickly as he can to ensure that he doesn't hear a single word exchanged between his mum and Dan after he goes. There's no way they won't talk about him in his absence but at least he can pretend like it's not happening for a little while longer.

Louis pauses after passing through the gate in front of the house, pulling it shut and closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath and lets it out as slowly as possible. He takes in another breath and releases it at the same pace as he tips his head back and opens his eyes to stare up at the stars.

The urge to apparate back to his and Liam's flat is slightly overwhelming and while there's nothing physically stopping him from doing just that, he knows he won't actually do it. He couldn't bear the thought of the owl his mum would send him if he didn't come back to the house. She'd probably send him his first ever Howler, and he'd deserve every awful second of it.

He spends at least ten minutes just standing in the same spot in front of the house, concentrating on his breathing and gazing up at the night sky. It takes him back to the nights he spent in the Astronomy tower at Hogwarts poring over star charts and endlessly annoying Professor Sinistra with questions about whether or not he could fly to the moon on a broomstick.

Just the thought of being on a broomstick is enough to kick up his heart rate to an alarming pace and he has to shut his eyes again and think about _anything_ else to calm himself down. He tricks himself into reminiscing about the first prank he ever pulled on Liam when a loud engine startles him. He jerks in surprise and trips over his own feet and nearly falls over the fence while staring down the road where the noise came from.

A run down truck pulls into the drive of the house next to his mum's and the engine gets cut off, finally ridding Louis' ears of the frightfully loud sound only to replace it with the awful screech of the door opening on its rusty hinge.

The driver steps out, half-humming and half-whistling to himself as he kicks the door closed with his foot before walking back to the bed of the truck and rooting around in it. Louis sees a flash of blonde hair thanks to the street lamp between the two houses and he's struck with a sudden realization: he knows that man.

Granted, the last time Louis saw him they were both no more than boys, but somehow he knows it's him.

When Niall turns away from the truck and catches Louis looking at him, it only takes a split second for Louis to realize that he's been recognized as well.

"Louis?" he calls as he takes a tentative step towards him on the sidewalk. "Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me." Louis clears his throat and gives an awkward wave. "Hey, Niall."

Niall laughs once, a half-crazed and slightly nervous sound that makes Louis smile, and then lets out a stronger, louder laugh as he makes his way across the sidewalk. Louis meets him halfway and for a moment he thinks Niall might pull him in for a hug but the expression on Niall's face changes at the last second and he comes to a full stop instead.

"You're back," he says as he shoves his hands into the pockets of his jacket, giving Louis a smile that says he's happy to see him even though his tone of voice suggests he can't quite believe it.

"I am," Louis replies, "thought I'd come visit Mum for a bit. It's been a while."

"Certainly has," Niall exhales sharply, "haven't seen you since I was, what, almost nine?"

"Something like that," Louis says, trying not to visibly wince. He imagines Niall doesn't mean to make him feel bad about it, but the fact remains that Louis had to all but abandon his friendship with Niall after he'd gotten into Hogwarts.

The day Louis received his letter from Hogwarts was the day everything had to change. Louis had nearly rushed over to Niall's house to tell him about Hogwarts because he was so excited about going there, but Jay told him he couldn't.

It was simple, his mum had said, Niall's a Muggle and they couldn't risk exposing the wizarding world to him just so Louis could keep in touch with his best friend. It had been easy up until then because all the magic Louis had done was mostly by accident. His mum restricted her own spells to the house and raised Louis and his sisters not to talk about magic with anyone outside of the family and that was just how it had always been.

Louis hated it, he hated his mum for keeping him from Niall and for a long time, he hated being a wizard at all. What good was being a wizard if you couldn't do magic for your friends?

By the end of his first year at Hogwarts, Louis understood that there was far more at stake in regards to Muggles and wizards than his friendship with Niall. As much as it hurt to cut ties, he knew it was for the greater good.

But now that Louis is back at his mum's for the time being and Niall apparently still lives next door it all seems inconsequential. Louis can't help but wonder if he'd only been given the chance, could he have kept his mouth shut about being a wizard and been able to remain friends with Niall all these years?

"What've you been up to?" Niall's voice cuts through the fog of Louis' thoughts and he has to take a few seconds to gather them up before he can reply properly.

"Not much," he says as he clears his throat, fully aware of how awkward he's making this conversation by being purposefully vague, "y'know, school, work, that sort of thing."

He finds that looking Niall in the eyes suddenly makes him want to tell the truth about everything, to admit that he went to a school for wizards and witches and he professionally plays a sport that involves flying around on brooms and chasing a tiny ball that flies all on its own.

Perhaps this was a mistake after all.

"Right," Niall says as he nods and gives Louis the sort of look that says "I know you're not telling me the whole story but I'll let you get away with it anyway." He should find it comforting, that Niall isn't pressing him for information, but it's more depressing than anything else.

"I should probably--"

"Do you want to get a drink?" Niall asks at the same time Louis tries to make up an excuse to go back inside the house.

They both stare at each other in silence for a moment while each one seems to rethink their strategy at the same time. Niall starts rambling about how he understands, Louis just got back into town and probably wants to spend time with his mum and family and it's probably weird that he even asked that in the first place. Meanwhile Louis realizes that the _last_ place he wants to go is back inside because he knows his mum will be waiting for him when he does.

It dawns on him that Niall is the one person in his life at the moment that Louis can talk to without having to worry about him bringing up the accident. What he thought was a curse a few minutes before is actually a blessing, and here he is almost giving it up.

"Yeah, let's do that," he says suddenly, cutting Niall off mid-apology.

"Are you sure?" Niall asks. "We don't have to go to the pub, we could just go for a walk or something, or if you're hungry we could--"

"Niall," Louis interrupts smoothly, "how about we take a walk and see where we end up, alright?"

"Alright," Niall breathes out as the corners of his mouth turn upwards into a large smile. Any shred of worry is gone from his eyes and they're bright with excitement, igniting a spark of warmth within Louis that he hasn't felt in ages. "Lemme just pop inside for a sec, I'll be right back."

"Okay," Louis answers with a nod. Niall chuckles under his breath as he starts walking backwards towards his house, checking over his shoulder to make sure Louis isn't going to go anywhere in the five minutes he's gone. Louis lifts his hand to wave at Niall before he opens the front door, laughing softly when Niall's cheeks go pink and he ducks inside.

Louis walks towards Niall's driveway in a slow manner, as though he's wary of crossing over the property line between his mum's and Niall's house. It's not like the enchantments surrounding his mum's are going to prevent him from leaving the perimeter or anything, but he does feel an odd tug in his chest the closer he gets to Niall's truck.

He jumps at the sound of Niall's front door opening and laughs softly to himself when Niall steps through, pausing to shout at someone inside.

"I'll be back later!" he yells, and while Louis can't decipher what's said in return it seems to be enough for Niall since he closes the door and turns to look for Louis.

"Still here," Louis teases gently as Niall comes towards him.

"I didn't…" Niall stares at him nervously for a moment and Louis waves his hand.

"I know," he replies, even though it's obvious by the look on Niall's face that he had been at least a tiny bit worried that Louis wasn't going to wait for him. It wouldn't be the first time that Louis promised to see Niall later, only to disappear without another word.

Louis clears his throat, suddenly feeling awkward and embarrassed and even more guilty than he had before. There's a small voice in the back of his head telling him that this is a bad idea, that it's only going to make him want to tell Niall everything and he's been told no less than a thousand times that he can't do that.

If Louis told Niall about the wizarding world and it didn't go well, then he'd be forced to perform a memory charm which might end up erasing Niall's memory of Louis entirely. Louis can't help but think that a great friendship while they were young followed by a disappearance for ten-odd years is better than no memory of him at all.

The two of them begin walking up the street in the direction that Niall had come from in his truck, walking silently side by side and both staring at their feet as they go. Louis' mind is racing wondering what Niall's going to ask him, wondering if he'll be blunt about his disappearance or if he'll remain timid and quiet. It's only a matter of time before he says something and Louis hasn't figured out what he's actually going to say.

He may not have to talk about his accident, but he's got to tell Niall _something_.

"So," Louis starts, taking Niall by surprise, "what've you been up to?"

It's a pathetic, lazy attempt to steer whatever conversation they're about to have away from the topic Louis is dreading, but it seems to work well enough judging by the way Niall hums thoughtfully.

"Over the last ten years?" he says with a low chuckle. "A bit, I suppose."

"Like what?" Louis prods.

"School, mostly," Niall shrugs, "for a bit, anyway. Made it through sixth form and my A levels, which was nothing short of a miracle."

"Did they go well?" Louis asks, trying to remember just what A levels were. He never quite understood Muggle schooling, it never seemed to make any sense even to those who were a part of it.

"Alright, I suppose." Niall shrugs again. "Didn't really have plans to go to uni so I dunno why I bothered, to be honest."

Louis nods, unsure of what to say in response. He vaguely remembers the concept of uni, but it's a bit muddled in his head and he's worried that if he tries talking about it further he'll end up embarrassing himself.

"It's not all bad," Niall continues as though he didn't notice Louis clamming up, "I do a few odd jobs here and there that bring in money, and I play guitar down at the pub some nights and that's usually a laugh."

"You play?" Louis asks, remembering the younger Niall all those years ago running around with a toy guitar, using it as a drum more often than he plucked at the tiny strings.

"Yeah," Niall laughs, "reckon I'm a bit better than I used to be." He turns to look Louis in the eye as he says, "you should come down to the pub when I play. Have a drink, meet some of the other lads."

"I'd like that," Louis replies softly, smiling at Niall as he turns his head to look down at his feet. His cheeks are pink again and Louis wonders if his own look the same way.

"I've got this one mate, Harry, he's--" Niall breaks off to laugh again, "well, he's a bit of a weirdo but you'd like him."

Louis raises an eyebrow. "I would?"

"Yeah, he makes all these ridiculous jokes, most of 'em are terrible but I laugh anyway. He loves puns, god, I don't think I've ever met anyone who loves puns as much as he does."

"Puns?" Louis shakes his head. "Why do you think I'd like this bloke, again?"

"He'd make you laugh," Niall answers, dropping his voice and purposefully not looking at Louis as he says, "thought you might need one now and again."

"What makes you say that?" Louis asks curiously.

"Because of… y'know," Niall clears his throat and says quietly, "your accident."

Louis stops dead in his tracks and his face goes white as a sheet. He never even imagined that Niall would know about his accident. A million different thoughts run through his head after this discovery; does he know more? Did Louis' mum tell him everything? Has Louis been a complete idiot in thinking he still has to keep magic a secret from Niall?

Before he can say a word, Niall places a gentle hand on his shoulder and speaks in a soft, calming tone.

"We don't have to talk about it, if you don't want. Your sisters didn't tell me much about it, but I think that was mostly because they didn't really know about it either. They were definitely worried when your mum stayed with you for days on end, that I do know."

"My sisters?" Louis swallows harshly. "They told you?"

"Yeah," Niall chuckles, "well, they told me a bit. It's tough getting anything out of those twins, as I'm sure you know. I didn't even know you played professional footie until I ran into them on their way to one of your matches!"

Louis blinks. "Professional… footie."

"Yeah!" Niall's face lights up. "You should've seen how excited they were, going on and on about you and your team, what is it, the Falmouth Falcons?"

Louis' head is spinning. Niall knows so much and yet so little, how is this possible?

"I tried googling it, y'know, couldn't find a thing! I must've spelled something wrong." Niall shakes his head. "Anyway, I started asking your sisters to give me updates and stuff, they said you'd been doing well up until…" Niall clears his throat and darts his eyes away from Louis'. "You look like you recovered quickly, that's good, right?"

"Yeah," Louis says with a dry laugh as he taps the side of his head, "everything but up here."

The smile drops from Niall's face and Louis looks down at the ground as he shifts his weight back and forth between his feet. He can't quite tell if he's relieved that Niall knows about the accident but doesn't know he's a wizard or if it just makes everything worse.

"I've put my foot in it, haven't I?" Niall asks and Louis looks up to see him frowning sadly.

"No, you haven't, I--"

"I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm sorry." Niall shakes his head. "Sometimes I don't think before I talk and it gets me into trouble."

"It's alright, Niall, we just…" Louis takes a breath, "let's just talk about something else, alright?"

"Can do," Niall says with a deep exhale as he turns and slowly starts walking again, "tell me all about playing professional footie!"

Louis laughs before he jogs to catch up with Niall, hoping that if he just starts telling stories about his teammates with slightly different terminology he can keep up the charade around Niall.

*

The two of them end up walking into town and eventually head towards the pub where Niall spends most of his evenings playing guitar for his friends and fellow townsfolk. Louis tries not to let his nerves get the best of him when they step through the door and Niall's greeted by practically everyone while the most he gets is a nod from one or two people. It's not their fault, Louis can't blame them, he's the one who up and disappeared.

Niall grabs them both pints at the bar and ushers Louis into a corner booth on the far side of the pub, smiling warmly at him as they both sit down. Niall continues smiling at him as Louis quickly takes his pint and sips at it, if only for a distraction from making more awkward conversation.

He'd tried his best to pass himself off as a professional footballer but found that he'd forgotten quite a bit of the terminology over the years. Niall was quick to help and that made Louis feel a bit more embarrassed about the whole thing, especially when Niall solemnly asked if his memory loss was due to his accident. It was the best excuse Louis could've hoped for, even though the look on Niall's face was damn near heartbreaking.

Niall had let the subject drop after that, which Louis was thankful for, and they'd remained silent for most of the walk to the pub. If Louis was to be honest with himself, he had absolutely no idea what they were going to talk about for the remainder of the night.

"D'you like it?" Niall asks, catching Louis off-guard in the middle of a sip. He chokes a little, coughing as he fights to swallow his mouthful of beer before he can answer.

"S'good," he manages with a gasp.

"Sorry," Niall chuckles, "didn't mean to startle you."

"Don't worry, s'alright." Louis clears his throat and puts his glass down as he smiles at Niall. Another awkward silence follows and Niall taps his fingers nervously against the table between them while his own pint sits untouched. Louis waits a moment before he softly asks, "are you alright?"

"Hmm?" Niall jerks a little, as though he'd been caught daydreaming. "Yeah, no, I'm fine. Just… thinking, I guess."

"What about?" Louis asks, stopping himself before he says "a knut for your thoughts?"

"Was it really as bad as it seems?" Niall asks in a timid voice. "Your accident, I mean?"

Louis lets out a breath as he looks away from Niall, picking a knot in the table and staring at that instead as he contemplates his answer. He grips the base of his glass, grounding himself in reality as the condensation drips around his fingers and sends a chill through his hand, but it does nothing to help him figure out what to say in return.

"I just…" Niall sighs. "With your mum being gone for so long and your memory being spotty at best, I just have to wonder, y'know? I didn't know footie could be so dangerous."

"It was…" Louis starts before he's ready, his mouth working faster than his brain can handle, "I'm alright, Niall. Sure, my head's a bit fucked up, but I'm alright."

"You sure?" Niall asks as he tries to catch Louis' eye.

"Yeah." Louis looks up and offers a weak smile. He lets out a soft breath and shrugs his shoulder as Niall gives him a small smile in return, still looking at Louis as though he's afraid he'll shatter into a thousand pieces before his very eyes.

It's the same sort of look his mum's been giving him since he woke up in St. Mungo's weeks ago, but somehow it makes Louis feel far more guilty when it comes from Niall. Here's a boy he all but abandoned more than ten years ago feeling anxious and worried about Louis' wellbeing when for all intents and purposes he should be angry at the very least. It's bound to do Louis' head in.

Louis wishes there was something he could say to ease Niall's worries, he's been wishing for the right words to say to his mum as well but nothing ever seems to be enough. His physical injuries have long since healed but he wonders whether his mind will ever be the same or if he'll be forever cursed with fear.

They're still sitting in silence when the door to the pub opens and someone else is greeted with the same sort of joy that erupted when Niall came in. Louis sees Niall's face light up at the sight which piques his curiosity enough to turn around and see who it is who's made Niall so happy. He doesn't expect to know them, he's half-expecting it to be some local girl who's involved with Niall and he'll have to sit by and watch them be happy and _normal_ together.

The fact that he does recognize the person who walks in might just be even worse.

"Harry!" Niall shouts from across the room, "c'mere!"

Louis immediately turns around in his seat and tries not to panic but his breathing is already unsteady and his mind is spinning. This is going to ruin everything.

"Niall!" Harry greets joyfully as he grabs a chair from one of the nearby tables and pulls it over so he can sit at the edge of Niall and Louis' booth. "Who's your friend here?"

When Louis finally lets himself make eye contact with Harry, it takes all of five seconds for Harry to recognize him. Niall's in the middle of introducing them to each other when he realizes what's going on and he laughs a little, caught between being surprised and confused.

"D'you know each other?"

"Yeah," Louis answers quickly, hoping he can head off this conversation before it gets too far.

"Yeah!" Harry adds, louder than Louis and far more excited. "We went to--"

"Boarding school," Louis cuts in, "we went to boarding school together."

Out of the corner of his eye Louis can see the surprised look on Niall's face but he keeps staring at Harry, silently willing him to go along with it. It's his only option, seeing as how he has no idea if Harry's gone and told Niall about Hogwarts and all that goes with it. The confusion on Harry's face lasts for just a few seconds before he's turning to Niall and smiling.

"Yeah, boarding school! Louis was a couple years ahead of me, but we were in the same house."

"House?" Niall asks, surprise turning to confusion in a matter of seconds.

"Dormitory," Louis corrects, clearing his throat as they both turn to look at him. "Y'know, like, rooms in the same hall. Sort of thing."

"Oh, I get it." Niall nods as his smile returns. "What a small world, right? You probably know more about Louis than I do!" He laughs and Harry laughs with him, but Louis stays quiet. He feels even more uncomfortable than he did before, now faced with the possibility of Harry spilling the beans if he hasn't already.

"It's been a while, though, hasn't it, Louis?" Harry says, turning to look at him with a smile. Louis gives a tight smile in return, hoping Niall won't notice how stiff his jaw is.

"Yes, it has." Louis clears his throat and picks up his pint, choosing to drink more and talk less.

"How about I go grab Harry a pint and let you two catch up for a minute?" Niall offers, already halfway out of the booth before Louis can put his glass down. He waits until Niall's just out of earshot and then rounds on Harry, who's still smiling at him.

"What are you doing here?" he demands.

"Me?" Harry laughs, giving Louis a curious look. "What are _you_ doing here? Last I heard you were playing Quidditch for--"

"Shh!" Louis puts his hand over Harry's mouth and huffs an annoyed breath. "Don't you know where you are?"

"Nobody's around," Harry says with a laugh after he's pulled Louis' hand away. "Besides, I'm incognito."

"You're… what?"

"Incognito! With the Muggles." Harry grins. "I'm on special assignment from the Ministry! The Muggle Studies curriculum needs to be updated because of all the new technology Muggles keep coming up with. It's fascinating!"

"Of… course you are," Louis says with a shake of his head.

"Look!" Harry says as he pulls out a rectangular slab of metal from his pocket, pressing a button on the side to make it light up and Louis just stares blankly at him.

"What _is_ that?"

"An iPhone! Look," Harry says again as he starts tapping it, showing it to Louis every time he taps something new. "Niall's been showing me this thing called Instagram. It's how Muggles communicate with each other through something called the interweb?"

Louis continues staring blankly at him, but Harry pays no attention to it at all and keeps explaining excitedly.

"Their pictures still don't move, but they have these things called videos which are like pictures but they move! It's very strange, but I like it. Niall says I have an "aesthetic", whatever that is. He likes my pictures, though!"

"Uh-huh," Louis says, sneaking a look at the bar just to make sure Niall is still preoccupied. He's chatting with the bartender when Louis looks over, laughing uproariously from whatever they've been talking about.

Harry's still chattering away, oblivious to the fact that Louis is no longer listening. He keeps looking at Niall and feels a sharp pain in his chest when he realizes there's no place for him here. He keeps too many secrets to let himself into Niall's life again, and he knows he can never let Niall into his own life because he's a Muggle. There are just too many things working against them to even let them be friends, and Louis knows he has to put a stop to it now before it's too late.

"Louis?" Harry says as Louis starts to slide out of the booth, "Louis, where are you going?"

Louis doesn't turn around, he doesn't answer Harry as he starts to make his way across the pub towards the door. He keeps his head down and doesn't look back, doesn't look at Niall who he's sure has noticed by now that Louis is running away.

He stumbles a little when he exits the pub, losing his footing as he trips over the threshold. It's not until he looks around at the street that he realizes he doesn't quite know how to get back to his mum's house. His only option is to apparate, but he can't do that in front of the pub and run the risk that someone might see.

"Louis!"

He hears Niall's voice just as he's about to duck down some random alley, and he closes his eyes before he lets himself turn around.

"Louis, where are you going?" Niall asks, his face a mixture of hurt and confusion. "I thought…"

"I just… had to go," Louis interrupts, "I don't belong here."

"What're you talking about?"

"It's fine, I'll just go back to my mum's, you've got Harry, you don't need--"

"Harry?" Niall laughs. "Louis, we're not… Harry's just a friend!"

"No, not--" Louis groans, "I didn't mean--" he exhales sharply and shakes his head. "I'll just disappear again, it's fine."

"It's not fine!" Niall says sharply. "What, did you think you could just slip out and disappear for another ten years and I'd be fine with that? If that's what you think, you've got another thing coming!"

"I can't explain it, Niall. I can't tell you what happened, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"That's okay, I don't need you to."

"That's not the point!" Louis shouts. "The point is that you deserve an explanation and I can't give it to you! I…" Louis shakes his head again and his voice drops down to barely a whisper, "I shouldn't have come back."

"Everybody has secrets, Lou."

It shouldn't hurt so much for Niall to say his name like that, Louis thinks, and Niall shouldn't be so understanding after all Louis has done. He doesn't even know what to say in response, if there's anything he could say that would make things better or if he'd just talk endless shit until he snaps.

"Will you come back inside?" Niall asks. Louis shakes his head as he looks down at his feet. "Then can I at least walk you home?"

Louis lets out a slow breath as he gathers the courage to look Niall in the eye, and in spite of his better judgment he nods. Niall steps closer to him and takes his elbow in a light grip to gently turn him around so they're heading in the right direction back to their neighborhood. Niall's hand drops as soon as they start walking and Louis has to force himself not to lean in and brush his shoulder against Niall's as they walk.

Out of the corner of his eye he watches Niall pull out a rectangle from his pocket similar to the one Harry had in the pub and starts tapping it too, catching Louis staring before he has the chance to turn away.

"Just texting Harry, letting him know where we went," Niall says quietly after he slips the device back into his pocket.

Louis nods, pretending like he knows what "texting" is. It sounds weird and slightly suspicious, but truth be told Louis has no right calling anything suspicious. He's probably the most suspicious thing in the whole town and he hates it.

Louis stays silent as they walk and Niall doesn't try to fill the silence with small talk like he had on the way to the pub. He's got his hands stuffed into his pockets and his eyes are focused on his feet against the pavement and Louis feels so awkward that he partly wishes he hadn't agreed to let Niall walk him home at all. Somehow he feels like he's lonelier with Niall by his side than he would be if he'd gone home by himself.

He's already trying to come up with a plan that will make both his mum and Liam agree that the best thing for him is to go back to London where he belongs. Liam had threatened to send him back to St. Mungo's if he came back too early but spending more time at his mum's with Niall next door can't possibly be good for his mental health. Liam will surely see the reason behind it and agree to let Louis come home. Either that or Louis will just have to blackmail him somehow.

Niall clears his throat suddenly and Louis flinches at the sound, expecting Niall to start speaking shortly after but he stays silent. Louis starts counting his breaths, repeating a silent prayer in his mind for Niall not to say anything and make him feel any worse than he already does.

 _It's not your fault, please don't think it's your fault_ , Louis thinks to himself as he sneaks a look at Niall out of the corner of his eye.

"Was it something I said?" Niall asks softly and Louis' heart sinks.

"No," he answers with a heavy sigh. "It wasn't you at all, don't think that."

"Okay." Niall nods and Louis thinks, for a moment, that he's in the clear. "Using the old "it's not you, it's me" excuse, then?"

Louis winces. "I'd say no, but… I s'pose you're right." Louis takes a breath. "Does it mean anything that it's the truth?"

"Is it?" Niall asks, turning his head to look at Louis. He immediately turns his head to avoid Niall's gaze and curses himself when he hears Niall sigh. "That answers that," he mutters.

"Don't say that," Louis says, coming to a full stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Niall laughs darkly as he stops in front of Louis, shaking his head before he turns around to face him.

"What do you want me to say, Louis?"

"Maybe you shouldn't say anything! You'll only get upset and make it worse!"

"I'm already upset!" Niall shouts. "You were my best friend and you disappeared. No warning, no note, nothing. You never came back!"

Louis doesn't have anything to say in his defense because it's all true. He never even got to say goodbye to Niall before he went off to Hogwarts, and when he came home for holidays he used the Floo Network from King's Cross since his mum didn't have a Muggle car.

"And now…" Niall starts, his voice still loud and angry but after a pause it drops in volume and he sounds defeated, "you're here. I never thought I'd see you again but… you're here."

"I'm sorry," Louis whispers.

"If you're apologizing for coming back, I don't want to hear it." Niall shakes his head. "You said you can't explain why you disappeared and I can accept it. I don't like it, but I'll accept it. That's what friends do, they forgive."

"I don't deserve your forgiveness," Louis mutters.

"Stop making this more difficult than it has to be," Niall says with an exasperated sigh. "Why can't we just pick up where we left off ten years ago? I said you don't have to explain, I don't care--"

"I care!" Louis yells. "I fucking care, alright? I didn't want to abandon you but there wasn't any other way around it! I was only eleven, for fuck's sake, I thought my mum knew what was best for me."

"Your mum?" Niall repeats softly and Louis huffs.

"Don't blame her, she was doing what she thought was best, alright? It's just…" Louis groans angrily, already too close to the edge of saying too much. "There's so much more at stake then you know, Niall, and I'm sorry I left you behind but it was for your own good too."

"How?" Niall's voice grows shaky like he's on the verge of tears and Louis braces himself. "How was disappearing for my own good? I was _nine_ , Louis. You were my best friend." Niall sniffs loudly and lifts his arm to wipe at his eyes while Louis still refuses to look at him. "I thought I'd done something."

"Niall," Louis whispers as he holds back tears of his own. "You didn't do anything at all. You were my best friend too. I wouldn't have disappeared if there'd been any way around it."

Niall stares at him for a moment, Louis can feel his eyes boring into him even without lifting his head. He slowly gathers enough courage to look up and meet Niall's gaze, seeing the tears clouding his bright blue eyes as they're both silent for a moment.

"You make no sense, y'know that?" Niall says with a soft laugh. Louis laughs in return and hangs his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying."

"How about…" Niall takes a deep breath. "What if we just forget the last ten years? Start over and try to be friends now?"

"Is that a good idea?" Louis asks.

"Can't hurt," Niall says with a shrug. "Unless, of course, you're planning on disappearing tomorrow morning."

Louis pauses for a moment - he was literally planning his escape not ten minutes ago, but when he sees the desperate look in Niall's eyes he knows he can't possibly do that to him again.

"I won't. Promise."

"Okay," Niall says, letting out a relieved breath as he slowly smiles. "C'mon, let's get you home."

*

When they reach their street and start walking closer to Niall's house, Niall pauses for a moment before he starts muttering under his breath. Louis, who was staring at his feet as they walked, looks up to see Niall's dad puttering around the driveway even though it's well past midnight. It doesn't look like he's doing anything in particular apart from waiting for Niall to get home and Louis can't help the smirk that appears on his face.

"I _told_ him not to wait up," Niall grumbles, much to Louis' delight.

"Did he think I was going to disappear and take you with me?" Louis asks with a soft snicker.

"Shut up," Niall says, shaking his head at Louis. "You don't have to say hi if you don't want to, I'm sure he'll understand--"

"Of course I'll say hi to your dad," Louis interrupts with a smug smile, "don't want to be rude."

"Uh-huh," Niall says flatly. He narrows his eyes at Louis who returns the stare with a smile and a pat on the shoulder.

"Niall! You're home!"

"You didn't have to wait up, Da."

"Nonsense! Had to see Louis for meself, didn't I?"

"Good to see you again, Mr. Horan."

"Bobby, please." He smiles widely. "Niall been showing you around? Not much has changed since you left, but--"

"Da," Niall interrupts sharply, "it's late, shouldn't you be off to bed?"

"Alright, alright," Bobby says as he claps Louis on the shoulder. "Good to see you again, lad."

"You too, Bobby."

He smiles as he turns away from Niall and Louis, heading for the door but he pauses on the steps and turns back with an even larger smile.

"Louis, how'd you like to come by for dinner tomorrow?"

"Da--"

"I'd love to!" Louis replies over Niall's protest.

"Great! I'll make a stew. Niall's favorite!"

"Da!"

"Good night!" Bobby calls over his shoulder before he disappears into the house. Louis tries like hell to stifle the grin that's threatening to take over his entire face because Niall is _so_ embarrassed that he's turned bright red.

"Shut up."

"I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to come to dinner if you don't want to," Niall insists, "he'll understand, if you--"

"Niall, I'll come to dinner. Bobby's making a stew, I can't miss that!"

Niall gives Louis a considering look and shakes his head. "You're an ass, y'know that?"

"Hey," Louis protests, "I'm trying to make up for lost time, alright?"

"Sure you are." Niall shakes his head again and gently punches Louis' shoulder. "Guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yep. I'll come by 'round six?"

"Sure you won't suddenly come down with the flu?" Niall jokes as he starts walking towards the door.

"Highly unlikely," Louis replies with a grin. "Night, Niall."

"G'night, Lou."

Niall pauses on the doorstep just like Bobby had, looking at Louis over his shoulder, but he doesn't say anything further before he goes inside. Louis waits a beat before he turns towards his mum's house and heads for the fence door. His heart skips a beat when glances at Niall's house before he steps inside, and as soon as he closes the door he heads straight for the living room.

He has no idea if Liam's still awake or what, but it's not going to stop him from trying. He kneels down on the hearth before the fireplace and makes a fire before picking up his mum's container of Floo Powder and tossing some directly into the middle of the flames. He waits for them to turn green and places his hands on either side of the fireplace for balance before he sticks his head into them and says his and Liam's address.

Their living room slowly comes into view and Louis blinks several times to clear his eyes, spotting Liam on the couch… and he's got company.

"Payno!" he shouts, startling Liam and his guest so much that they both shriek. "Couldn't you have taken this elsewhere?"

"Louis??" Liam sputters, apologizing to his date as he slides off the couch and crawls over towards the fireplace. "What the hell are you doing??"

"I need help. D'you have a minute?"

Liam sighs and shrugs his shoulders, darting a quick glance over his shoulder. "Yeah, I mean, I guess?"

Louis hears the scoff from Liam's date but doesn't let it deter him. Louis is Liam's best friend, he clearly trumps whoever Liam brought home with him.

"Did I ever tell you about Niall?"

"Niall…" Liam repeats as he squints and puts on his thinking face that normally Louis makes fun of, but Louis doesn't have it in him to do it tonight. "I don't think so?"

"He was my best friend when I was younger, before I went to Hogwarts."

"Okay?"

"Liam, he's still here."

Liam pauses but the confused look on his face doesn't fade. "Okay?"

"Liam!" Louis huffs. "This is a problem!"

"Why?"

"Because… he doesn't know why I left. And I can't tell him."

"Did he ask why you left?"

"No… not exactly."

Liam gives Louis a blank look and huffs out a laugh. "So what's the problem?"

"He…" Louis pauses. What _is_ the problem?

Niall's given him a blank slate, shouldn't Louis be happy about that? Why is he still hung up on the fact that he can't tell Niall anything about where he's been when Niall clearly doesn't mind? Louis resists the urge to whimper and start whining just because Liam's somehow managed to point out that there really isn't a problem here.

"Louis," Liam says with a sigh, "are you blowing things out of proportion again?"

"No!" Louis replies indignantly.

Liam glances over his shoulder again before he leans in closer and drops his voice, "is this about the incident you had with your sisters?"

Louis groans. "Did my mum send you an owl about that?"

"She's worried about you, Lou. You're not letting her help."

"I don't see how she can," Louis mutters. "She can't charm my head back to normal."

"Have you talked about it at all?" Louis avoids his eye. "Louis."

"Liam," he mocks. "You're not helping with the situation at hand."

Liam huffs. "Okay, so your old best friend is still around and… what, wants to be friends again? Is that what's going on?"

Louis nods in return and Liam laughs as he rubs his face.

"You're being ridiculous, Lou. There's no problem here. Just let him be your friend. That's not hard, is it?"

"But… I can't tell him anything, Liam. He's a _Muggle_."

"My dad's a Muggle and you talk to him just fine."

"That's different, Li, and stop using your dad as an excuse!"

"Stop being prejudiced against Muggles and I'll stop using my dad as an excuse."

Louis glares at Liam. "I hate when you're sensible."

"I'm always sensible."

"Then I suppose I always hate you."

"No, you don't," Liam laughs, "you just hate when I call you on your bullshit."

Louis scowls. "You've been no help at all, Payno. Dunno why I even bothered."

"Just be yourself, Lou. You were friends before you learned magic, I'm sure you can be friends again now." Liam sighs softly. "Give him a chance, yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah." Louis huffs. "Enjoy the rest of your date, Payno. Use a spell so you don't get come on the couch."

Louis pulls his head out of the flames before Liam can reply, feeling smug at getting the last word in. He doesn't particularly feel any better about his situation with Niall, but somehow he's still looking forward to dinner tomorrow night.

He heaves a heavy sigh as he puts out the fire and heads for the stairs, wishing he could make sense of his own mind for once.

*

When Louis comes down the stairs the next morning the house is strangely quiet. He assumes that Dan went off to work but normally the older set of twins are somewhere around causing mischief. There's no sign of them at all as he makes his way to the kitchen where he finds his mum with the baby twins, both asleep in their respective bassinets as his mum washes dishes and hums along to the radio.

"Morning," he says as he gives her a kiss on the cheek, passing her by to peruse the cabinets for his breakfast.

"Didn't hear you come in last night," Jay says casually, keeping her eyes on the dishes when Louis turns his head to look at her.

"It wasn't that late," he replies as he clears his throat, "I tried to be quiet so I wouldn't wake the babies."

"Ta, love." Jay sets down the plate in her hands and turns towards Louis. "You forgot to put the Floo Powder back on the mantle, y'know."

Louis winces. "Sorry, Mum."

"I know this wasn't your first choice, Lou, but you came here to get rest and I don't think you should be going who knows where at all hours of the night, do you?"

"I didn't go anywhere, Mum," he says as he turns to face her and sighs softly, "I just needed to talk to Liam."

"That late at night?" Her brow furrows. "What for?"

Louis sighs again and avoids looking his mum in the eye because he feels like she can see right through him. He knows she worries about him enough as it is, he doesn't want to give her another reason to but keeping secrets from her for very long is nearly impossible.

"You used to talk to me, Lou," she says softly.

"Mum, I--"

"You don't have to tell me everything but if there's something that's bothering you I want to help. I want you to trust me enough to let me help."

"Mum, I _do_ trust you," he insists, pulling her forward into a hug. "It's not that, don't think that, please."

"I just don't know what to do," she says as her voice shakes and grows thick as she tries not to cry. "Even when you were a teenager you used to talk to me. I could bloody kill that Beater for taking my baby boy away from me."

"Mum," Louis whispers as he hugs her tightly. "I'm right here."

"I know," she says, "I know you are. Maybe I'm just worrying too much. I'm a mum, it's what we do."

Louis sighs heavily and closes his eyes. If he thought he'd be able to get away with not telling his mum about Niall, he was sorely mistaken. Not telling her means that she'll think he doesn't trust her and that's the last thing Louis ever wants his mum to think. He loves her more than anyone in the world and simply can't stand the idea of making her upset.

"I ran into Niall last night," he whispers, still holding her close.

"Niall?" she says. "Niall Horan, from next door?"

"Yeah, that's the one." Louis releases a shaky breath and he can practically hear the wheels turning in his mum's head. He reluctantly loosens his grip when she starts to pull away, avoiding her eye until she takes his face in her hands and makes him look her in the eye.

She stares at him for a moment before she gently pulls his head down so she can press a kiss to his forehead. Louis is left a little stunned when she lets go and turns back to the sink, resuming her washing before she speaks again.

"He's doing alright, then?" Louis blinks, giving her a strange look that she either doesn't see or doesn't bother to acknowledge.

"Seems to be," he answers slowly. "His dad invited me to dinner."

"Oh, really?" Jay continues in a nonchalant tone. "When's that?"

"Tonight," Louis replies.

"And you're going?"

"Thought I might," Louis clears his throat, starting to get a bit rattled that his mum still won't look at him. "Seems rude not to."

"I don't think it's a good idea," she says casually, as if she were asking Louis to pass her a dish.

"Why not?" Louis demands, although he's sure he already knows the answer. It's the same answer that made him run out of the pub the night before, but he wants to hear it from her own mouth.

"You know why, sweetheart. He's a Muggle."

"So's Liam's dad," he counters, grateful that Liam isn't around to hear him use his dad as an excuse - he'd _never_ hear the end of it, "and you like him well enough."

"It's not that I don't like Niall and Bobby," she replies gently. "They're lovely. I just think it'd be better for you in the long run if you stayed--"

"Stayed away from them? Is that what you were going to say?" Louis interrupts.

"No, I was going to say stayed home." Jay sighs. "I don't want you over-exerting yourself and getting worse."

"I'm not sick, Mum." Louis sighs angrily. "You can't keep me cooped up in the house all the time and expect everything to get better."

"I'm not trying to," Jay says as she reaches out and places her hand over Louis'. "I know you don't think you're sick, love, but you can't keep saying nothing's wrong. You're not going to get better if you don't face it."

"What does this have to do with Niall?" Louis huffs. "It's not like whatever's wrong with me is contagious."

"Louis," Jay sighs gently, "in order for you to get better, you have to talk about what happened to you. And you can't do that with Niall, can you?"

"I could," Louis mumbles, "you don't know, he might understand."

"And if he didn't?" Jay's bottom lip wobbles a bit and she turns her head, "I don't want you getting attached only to have it go wrong."

"Is that why you told me I couldn't see him after I got into Hogwarts?" Louis asks, keeping his voice steady even as his anger starts to build. "Why I abandoned my best friend without a word? Because it _might_ go wrong?"

"I know it's hard to understand, Lou, but it was for the best. Muggles don't understand us, and everyone fears what they don't understand."

"You're doing it right now." Louis shakes his head. "You don't know if Niall and his dad would accept me for who and what I am so instead of trying, you're telling me to run away."

"I just want what's best for you," Jay says, her last words caught on a sob.

Louis wraps his arms around her and holds her tightly as she cries softly against his shoulder, his heart breaking more with each breath she takes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. "But I can't do it, Mum. I can't abandon Niall again. You should've seen him last night, it was… it was like he couldn't believe his eyes. Like he thought he'd never see me again." Louis laughs softly. "I can't disappear on him now."

Jay takes a deep breath and pulls back in Louis' arms so she can look at his face. "What happens when you go back to London? When you go back to Quidditch?"

"I don't know," Louis answers honestly. "I don't know if or when that'll happen, if I'm honest."

"Louis…"

"What if Niall's what I need to get my head right again? What if I need a bit of normal, or non-magical? I have to be willing to try everything, Mum. You just have to trust me."

A silence falls over the pair, the only sounds in the kitchen either come from the radio or one of the twins snuffling in their sleep. Jay takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly and Louis holds his own as he waits for her reply.

"Okay," she says finally. "If you think this is what you need, then I'll support you."

"Thanks, Mum." Louis smiles and Jay presses her palm to his face.

"Just be careful, alright?"

"Of course," he replies as he hugs her, squeezing her so tightly that she laughs and swats at him until he lets go.

Louis still hasn't decided whether or not he's going to tell Niall he's a wizard, but at least for now he doesn't have to worry about what his mum will say about their re-emerging friendship. For the first time since coming home after his accident, Louis' mind isn't preoccupied with what's wrong with him.

*

Louis doesn't let himself fuss over what he's going to wear to Niall's for dinner, he just does one quick once-over in a mirror to make sure his hair isn't sticking up every which way before he goes downstairs. He slips into the kitchen to see if there's anything for dessert that he can bring over to Niall's, but everything in his mum's cupboards is of a magical brand and unfit for Muggles. He huffs, cursing himself for not checking earlier when he's literally been thinking about this all day, and is about to ask his mum if there's anything anywhere in the house that he can take when he catches a glimpse of Niall through the kitchen window.

Niall's walking down the sidewalk towards the front door of Louis' mum's house, and Louis stares curiously at the way he seems to be mumbling to himself and glancing over his shoulder at his own house numerous times.

Louis decides to meet Niall at the door before he can knock or ring the doorbell, and he calls out a goodbye to his mum as he makes his way into the hallway. He swings the door open, catching Niall with an outstretched hand and a surprised look on his face.

"Hi," he says with a nervous laugh.

"Hi," Louis replies as he quickly steps through the door and joins Niall on the doorstep. "What're you doing here?"

Niall sighs. "My da… he sent me over to get you." He laughs. "Like when we were kids and I had to ask your mum if you could come out to play."

"Bobby really wants me to come over for dinner, doesn't he?" Louis asks with a smirk.

"Shut up," Niall mumbles as his cheeks turn pink. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

"Aww, chin up, Niall!" Louis says as he throws his arm around Niall's shoulders and jostles him. "I have a feeling that this dinner is going to be _fantastic_."

Niall groans as they walk away from Louis' mum's house, turning up the sidewalk to go back to his. It takes perhaps a minute altogether and they stay silent, but Louis heart beats faster with every step they take.

"Niall! That you?" Bobby calls the moment they open the door and Niall curses under his breath as Louis stifles a snicker.

"Yeah, it's me!" he calls back, muttering "been gone for all of five minutes."

"Louis with you?" Bobby asks and this time Louis has to hold his hand over his mouth to stop from laughing at the look on Niall's face.

"Nah, he went back to outer space!" Niall yells back. "Said he couldn't stomach your stew!"

"Don't be rude, Niall," Bobby says as he suddenly appears in the doorway to the kitchen at the end of the hall. "Got a mouth on him, doesn't he, Louis?"

"Certainly does," Louis remarks, earning a glare from Niall. "Good to see you again, Bobby," he continues as he smiles at Bobby, who's come down the hallway to meet them.

"You too!" They shake hands and Bobby turns to Niall and drops his voice a little, though Louis can still hear him perfectly clearly. "I thought you were going to wear that blue shirt."

"Da!"

Louis stifles another laugh, trying to hide it with a cough when Niall looks at him.

"I've told you before that you look good in blue, son." Bobby turns to Louis with a proud smile. "I always tell him to wear blue when he goes to the pub, y'know."

"Is that right?" Louis remarks in an amused tone and Niall lets out a huff.

"Shouldn't you check on the stew, Da?"

"Oh, yes! Should be ready in a couple minutes, hope you're hungry!"

Bobby disappears down the hallway and back into the kitchen and Louis glances at Niall who's staring back at him with a look of disbelief that makes Louis want to laugh all over again.

"What?" he asks, feigning innocence. Louis can't help but grin, feeling even more smug as Niall shakes his head.

"Can't believe the two of you, ganging up on me like that."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Louis replies, "I'm just being polite, making conversation with your dad."

"Uh-huh."

"Are we going to stand here all night or are you going to give me a tour?"

Niall sighs and shakes his head again, fighting a smile. He tilts his head in the direction of the stairs and Louis follows him up. He vaguely remembers Niall's room from ten years ago, down at the end of the hallway with various toys strewn across the floor and all manner of Irish pride paraphernalia tacked onto the walls. When Niall steps aside and lets Louis through the doorway first he's not surprised to see the toys are gone but all the green remains.

"Some things never change," he murmurs softly as he crosses the room and reaches out to touch the small Irish flag pinned to the wall.

"Not much has," Niall says as he takes off his jacket and sits down at the foot of his bed. Louis turns and smiles at him, choosing to walk to the other side of the room and look at the pictures tacked onto the wall instead of sitting down next to Niall.

Harry's in a couple of the pictures, a big smile adorning his face and usually brandishing some sort of Muggle contraption that he probably learned about thirty seconds before. Louis doesn't recognize most of the other people in the photos, but there's one picture in particular that catches his eye. Two smiling boys stare back at him, arms around each other's shoulders with their mouths red from cherry ice pops. Louis remembers the day, he remembers smiling widely when Bobby held up the camera and told them to say cheese.

He clears his throat and turns away from the wall, wishing he could continue to look at the photo without feeling choked up. Niall pats the bed next to him and Louis sits down, trying not to let on how nervous he is from just being in Niall's room again.

"It's nice," he says, continuing their conversation from a few minutes earlier. "I like what you've done with it."

"Shut up."

"Stop telling me to shut up," Louis says as he flicks his finger against the tip of Niall's nose. Niall bares his teeth and pretends to bite at Louis' finger, making them both laugh. They fall silent, just trading smiles as they take turns looking at each other.

Louis swallows and tries to keep his breathing steady as his heart starts to beat a little faster when he catches sight of Niall's hand inching towards his own where it's laying on the bedspread. He feels frozen in place, staring down at their hands and willing Niall to move faster than a snail's pace but not having the courage to move his hand to meet him halfway.

"Stew's ready!" Bobby shouts from downstairs, successfully startling both of them. "Put your pants back on and come down!"

"Da!" Niall yells with a loud groan and Louis all but collapses into his back in a fit of laughter. "I'm gonna kill him," he mutters.

"Wh-Why does he think we're not wearing pants?" Louis asks, trying to catch his breath in-between laughs.

"It's-- just-- nevermind, shut up." Niall shakes his head. "Should've never let you come to dinner."

"Aww, now that's not nice. What would Bobby think if he heard you say that?" Louis teases as he sits up and drapes himself across Niall's shoulders, smirking as Niall's cheeks turn pink.

"This was a terrible idea," Niall mutters as he shoves Louis away and stands up. "C'mon, before he comes up here to check on us himself."

Louis snickers under his breath as he follows Niall out of the room and back down the stairs, stopping only when they go into the dining room where Bobby's already laid out their bowls full of stew. He gestures for Louis to take the seat next to his own at the head of the table and Niall takes the one on Louis' other side, giving his father a wary look as the three of them sit down.

"Dig in," Bobby urges with a warm smile. He watches Louis take his first bite, making him feel slightly self-conscious and nearly forget how to eat.

"Oh my god," Louis says around his mouthful, "this is _amazing_ , Bobby."

"Aww, it's just a simple stew," Bobby replies, his smile giving away just how proud he is that Louis enjoys it.

"Fishing for compliments, are we?" Niall teases good-naturedly.

"Already know _you_ love it, Niall." Bobby smiles before he turns back to Louis. "Used to ask for it every week, he did!"

"I'm not surprised," Louis says as he takes another bite. "I'd ask for it every day if I lived here."

"Kiss-arse," Niall mumbles.

"Niall knows the recipe," Bobby goes on, "bet he'd make it for you too, if you wanted."

"Da--"

"So you cook?" Louis asks, interrupting Niall and giving him a sly smirk when their eyes meet. "You're just full of surprises, aren't you?"

"He's a great cook! Even better than me!"

"I'm not," Niall says, starting to get flustered, "I just know how to follow recipes, it's not that hard…"

"Nonsense," Bobby interrupts, "you could be the next Jamie Oliver, I reckon."

"He's a proper chef, Da, I'm not--"

"Did he tell you we went to Spain?" Bobby interrupts. "He had me try this one dish, it was.. pie something. Niall, what was it?"

"Paella," Niall answers with a sigh. Louis glances at Niall out of the corner of his eye and can't help the gleeful feeling he gets from seeing Niall blush so much, it's too endearing for words.

"That's it! Paella," Bobby says as he pats Louis' hand. "Have you ever had it?"

"Can't say that I have."

"Oh, you should! It's great! I was a bit skeptical meself, to be honest, but it was fantastic."

"What else did you do in Spain?" Louis asks, ignoring the soft groan that Niall lets out.

"Oh, d'you want to see pictures? Niall, get the album!"

"Da, we're eating," Niall whines, "plus, Louis doesn't wanna see those."

"Of course I do!"

"I'll get 'em, won't be a minute." Bobby gets up from the table and disappears through the doorway, leaving the pair alone in the dining room for a few minutes. Louis continues eating his stew, smiling sweetly at Niall as he stares back at Louis with a severely unimpressed look.

"What?"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Making conversation, Niall." Louis grins. "Just like I said."

"I'm absolutely going to get you back for this," Niall mutters into his own stew as Bobby comes back into the dining room, brandishing a large album in his hands.

"Here it is!" he crows, quickly taking his seat and spreading the album out on the table between himself and Louis. Niall continues to groan softly as Bobby starts flipping through the pages, pointing out different things and talking about where they were when it was taken.

If there's one thing that Louis can't miss while looking at the pictures, it's that Niall's shirtless in almost all of them. If there's two things he can't miss, it's that Niall's also horribly sunburned.

"Maybe you should've worn a shirt one of these days," Louis quips softly, nudging his elbow against Niall's as he sends a soft smile his way.

"I kept telling him to put on more suncream," Bobby says as he shakes his head, "our fair skin doesn't do well in the sun!"

"I see that," Louis replies, shaking his head as they turn over another page and Niall's red, smiling face stares back up at him from the picture.

"Worked out though, didn't it, Niall?" Bobby says as he grins at his son. Louis follows Bobby's gaze and sees that Niall's hiding behind his hands.

"What's he on about?" he prods.

"Nothing," Niall grumbles. "Da, stop."

"I'm just saying," Bobby says, still grinning, "that nice Spanish bloke was more than happy to help you apply aloe."

"Oh, really? Do tell!"

"Da, you're embarrassing me!" Niall groans. "Can't we just eat the stew in peace?"

"What?" Bobby protests. "I'm just being friendly!"

"Yeah, he's being friendly!" Louis adds. "Like you were with this _Spanish bloke_."

"Oh my god," Niall moans helplessly as he sinks down in his chair. "I hate you both."

Niall stays mostly silent through the rest of the meal, leaving Bobby and Louis to do most of the talking since they apparently had a lot to talk about when it came to Niall. By the time they were clearing their plates from the table, Niall's cheeks were a dark scarlet and Louis' cheeks hurt from all the laughing he'd done.

"Let me," Louis insists when Bobby starts filling the sink to wash the dishes, "it's the least I can do."

"Very kind of you," Bobby replies with a smile. He turns to Niall who's leaning against the wall in the doorway and gestures at Louis as he says, "let's not let him get away this time around."

"Alright, Da," Niall answers with a sigh as he shakes his head, "I'll try."

"Good," Bobby says. He claps Louis on the shoulder once before he leaves the kitchen and the two of them alone.

Niall approaches Louis slowly, crossing the kitchen to lean against the counter next to where Louis is standing at the sink. It's been a while since Louis has washed anything without magic but it's straightforward enough that he can manage even while Niall's watching him. Niall waits a minute or two before he dips his fingers in the soapy water and flicks it at Louis, making him flinch and shy away from the spray.

"Hey!"

"That's for ganging up on me, _again_." Niall grins as he starts rolling up his sleeves. "Alright, you wash, I'll dry."

Louis passes Niall a towel from the counter on his other side, smiling at him when he takes it. It's nice, Louis thinks, to just spend time with someone and not have to worry about anything at all. Niall doesn't look at him like he's fragile, like he might crumble into a million pieces at any moment.

"Sorry," Niall pipes up softly, avoiding Louis' eye when he looks at him, "about Bobby, I mean."

"What about Bobby?" Louis asks with a frown. "He's great!"

"He is, it's just…" Niall chuckles under his breath and shakes his head. "Ever since I came out to him he's been… trying to get me a boyfriend."

"I see," Louis answers softly.

"He just wants me to be happy," Niall says, "sorry if he came on too strong, I know that was probably a bit weird."

"It's not weird, Niall. It's sweet, how much he cares about you."

"Yeah, yeah." A smile slowly spreads across Niall's face. "Can't believe he showed you those pictures from Spain."

"M'glad he did," Louis replies, "seemed like you two had a great time."

"Yeah," Niall laughs again, smiling more freely now.

"Dunno about that Spanish bloke he was talking about, though." Louis clears his throat, purposefully avoiding looking at Niall even though he can feel Niall staring at him.

"Really?" Niall says in a curious voice. Louis feels his own cheeks start to burn and it's getting harder to not look him in the eye, especially when Niall moves closer to him.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say Bobby was trying to make me jealous."

"Did it work?"

Louis finally turns his head and looks at Niall, their faces a few inches apart and Louis feels weak under his stare. His eyes drop down to Niall's lips and flick back up to his eyes just in time to catch Niall do the same.

"Might've done," Louis whispers.

There's a pause wherein it feels like each one is waiting for the other to make the final move, to bring their lips together, but they're both still too hesitant to do it. Louis is just about to take the initiative when the moment is lost by Bobby appearing in the doorway.

"Just wanted t-- am I interrupting something?"

"Nah," Niall says as he clears his throat loudly and turns away from Louis, who turns towards the sink and desperately tries not to start laughing. "Did you need something?"

"Just letting you know I'm off to bed," Bobby says, smiling at the pair of them. "Don't stay up too late, now."

"Okay, Da," Niall replies in a pointed voice, "good night!"

"Remember, I'm a light sleeper so if you two--"

" _Good night, Da!_ " Niall repeats, louder this time and a hysterical laugh escapes Louis' mouth before he's able to stop it, but he tries to cover it with a cough. By the look on Niall's face when Louis glances at him out of the corner of his eye, he didn't do a very good job.

"Night, Louis," Bobby goes on, "nice seeing you again."

"You too," Louis manages to say, composing himself well enough to turn around and smile at Bobby. "Thanks for having me over for dinner."

"Any time!" Bobby grins. "Night!"

He disappears from the doorway and Louis waits until he hears the stairs creak under Bobby's feet before he starts laughing uproariously, nearly losing balance entirely as he leans on Niall for support. Niall isn't laughing as hard as he is, but even he can't fight off a smile.

"I can't believe him," he mutters, "I swear, it's like he's got some sort of sixth sense when it comes to interrupting."

Louis' laughter dies down and he lifts his head, catching Niall's eye and smiling at the way he's flushed all the way down his neck.

"So he _was_ interrupting?" Louis asks and Niall groans softly.

"Don't be a shit now, I--"

Louis cuts Niall off by kissing him, wrapping one arm around his neck and cupping the back of Niall's head with his other hand so their bodies are pressed together. Niall's surprised for a moment but recovers quickly enough that he wraps his arms around Louis, one hand on his hips and the other in his hair. Louis gasps against Niall's mouth when Niall's grip on his hip tightens and he jerks, pushing against Niall in a sudden grind that sends a wave of arousal through Louis.

It's Niall's turn to groan when Louis starts sucking on his tongue and twists his fingers into Niall's hair and tugs. Niall drops his other hand to Louis' waist and maneuvers him around so he's pinned between the counter and Niall, aligning their hips just right. Louis shivers as he tries to get his leg between Niall's, but the slight shift against the counter ends up digging into his backside and he hisses in pain.

"You okay?" Niall breathes out as he pulls his mouth away from Louis', breathing hard as they both look at each other and chuckle. "Did I hurt you?"

"S'not you," Louis replies, "it's this bloody counter."

"Oh," Niall says sheepishly as he takes a step back, leaving Louis shivering from cold now that Niall isn't pressed up against him. "Sorry."

"It's alright," Louis says with a soft laugh. "Probably shouldn't shag in your dad's kitchen anyway."

"Who said anything about shagging?" Niall asks in an innocent enough tone, but the effect is lost by the size of the smirk he's trying to hide. Louis laughs as he steps forward far enough that they're nearly as close to each other as they were when Niall was pressing him against the counter.

"Didn't need to say it," Louis says as he slips his hand between them and cups Niall's groin, "when I could feel _this_ the whole time."

"Is that right?" Niall says with a groan, his breath catching when Louis squeezes. "Cheeky."

"You're the one trying to defile me in your dad's kitchen," Louis replies before he leans in for a kiss. Niall smiles against his mouth, reaching around to squeeze Louis' arse and laughing when Louis squawks.

"Can't help myself."

Louis opens his mouth to reply with something snarky, only he's suddenly struck by the look in Niall's eyes and finds he can't say anything at all. He's never seen this look in Niall's eyes - or anyone else's - before and if he's being honest, it scares him. He's afraid that Niall's looking at him like he's the only thing in the world and that's a lot for Louis to live up to, especially when he's got so many secrets to keep to himself.

"Well," Louis says as he takes a step back, dropping his hand from where it was pressed against Niall and taking Niall's hands off of his arse, "I don't know what kind of boy you're taking me for."

"What d'you mean?" Niall whispers as he tries to keep his arms around Louis despite being gently pushed away.

Louis looks down at their feet, mildly embarrassed of what he's about to say. "I don't have sex on the first date," he says in a bit of a mumble as he gathers enough courage to look Niall in the eye again.

Niall's face softens and he looks a bit panicked, like he's afraid Louis thinks he was trying to pressure him into something he didn't want to do. Louis links their hands together and smiles at Niall in an attempt to reassure him that everything's alright, even if it's not inside his own head.

Deep down Louis knows it's not an unreasonable thing, holding off on sex, but there's a voice inside his head that reminds him that any attempt at keeping Niall at an arm's length might be the tipping point in losing him all over again.

"Guess I'll have to take you out again," Niall says with a small smile and just like that, a bit of weight is lifted from Louis' shoulders. "As many times as you like."

Louis smiles as he looks down at their hands, trying to ignore the growing sense of panic in his chest. He looks back up at Niall and leans forward to give him a kiss, just a quick press of their lips.

"I'd like that."

*

Louis doesn't tell a soul about his date with Niall the next night. The most he does is let his mum know not to expect him home for dinner but he brushes off her questions concerning his whereabouts. Their conversation from the day before is still fresh in his mind and he worries that if he tells her too much then she'll worry about him even more. He doesn't want to worry anyone, least of all his mum, if he doesn't have to.

Even if he doesn't outwardly mention it, Louis can't really contain his excitement about the date. He's got a smile on his face from the moment he wakes up and not a single thing manages to make it disappear. If Louis were thinking with a clear mind, he'd know that this is the first step towards tumbling down a hole he won't be able to get out of easily.

The two of them decide to meet between their houses so as to avoid the prying questions of both Jay and Bobby, but apart from that small detail Louis doesn't know a thing about what Niall's got planned.

"So, where we going?" Louis asks as his smile grows when Niall takes hold of his hand.

"You'll see," Niall replies, his smile bright enough to match Louis'. "Tell me about your day."

Louis lets out a breath to buy him some time; truth be told he spent most of the day playing Wizard's Chess with the twins and writing letters to Liam. He'd requested that Louis _didn't_ pop up in their fireplace unannounced again and for him to use owls instead. In retaliation, Louis had sent no less than fourteen letters to Liam today alone, half of them only consisting of crude drawings or various curse words.

Liam stopped answering after the sixth letter, but that didn't dissuade Louis. He knew Liam would never send him a Howler, anyway.

But he can't exactly tell Niall that, can he?

"Didn't do much," he says, avoiding Niall's eye. "Nothing special, y'know. Not like now."

Niall tugs on Louis' hand and he darts his eyes back to Niall just in time for a kiss to be stolen from his lips. Niall pulls back and rubs his nose against Louis' as he murmurs, "what a charmer, you are."

"Shut up," Louis mumbles, catching Niall with a hand to the back of his head before he can get too far away so he can get another kiss. "Tell me about yours, then."

Niall grins before he launches into a story from earlier in the day and Louis listens, enraptured by the sound of Niall's voice and how engaged he gets no matter what topic he's talking about. He didn't remember at first, but now Louis can recall how energetic Niall was back when they were kids and it warms his heart to know that Niall hasn't changed that much. It helps quell the worry that he broke something in Niall when he left, if only a little.

Louis hardly pays attention to where they're walking as Niall continues with his story, conveniently wrapping it up just as they come to a stop. Louis looks up at the building in front of them and finds it's a restaurant he's never heard of. It's not unusual, considering how little Louis ventured out into the Muggle side of town when he still lived with his mum, but it makes him wonder how important this date is to Niall because he can't quite tell how fancy the restaurant is from the outside.

"Is this where you're taking me?" he asks, his lips quirking upwards in a smile.

"Yep," Niall replies, squeezing Louis' hand. "C'mon, I called ahead, they've got a table waiting for us."

"What a gentleman," Louis murmurs under his breath as Niall pulls the door open for him and lets him go inside first.

The hostess smiles at Niall when he gives her his name and leads them to a table toward the back in the corner. Louis is thankful for the dim lighting within the restaurant because he can feel the blush in his cheeks as Niall keeps a tight hold of his hand the whole way. He relinquishes it as they sit down, if only because he has to.

Niall hardly looks away from Louis through the entirety of the meal, and Louis finds his eyes drawn to Niall's lips more often than not as though he hasn't been able to taste them in weeks as opposed to an hour or so. As the meal progresses he has to fight the growing urge to lean across the table and kiss him, forcing himself to eat at a normal pace rather than swallowing his meal whole just to skip ahead to what he has in mind for dessert.

Louis doesn't remember the last time he felt this needy, this eager to touch someone he's attracted to. He's not even sure if he's even felt it before and it scares him a little that he already feels this much this quickly, but he tries to console himself with the excuse that apart from the gap of time they lost, Niall is his oldest friend.

Still, Louis reminds himself that he can't go too far. Even if he doesn't agree with his mum, he can't exactly argue that she doesn't have a point. Niall is a Muggle and even if he accepts that Louis is a wizard, he'll never fully understand it.

"You alright?" Niall asks as he reaches out across the table for Louis' hand and brushes his thumb over Louis' knuckles.

"Yeah," Louis replies with a little chuckle. "Sorry, guess I got a bit lost for a moment there."

"Just as long as you come back," Niall says with a wink. Louis rolls his eyes and pinches Niall's thumb but a laugh slips out all the same.

"This was nice," Louis says once their plates have been cleared.

"Told you I'd wine and dine you." Niall grins and lightly knocks his foot against Louis'.

"That you did," Louis replies as he nods his head. "What's next, then?"

Niall shrugs one shoulder and smiles wryly. "Thought maybe we'd take a walk. Maybe a bit of a snog in the park?"

"Is that right?" Louis smirks. "Thought one dinner would be enough to get in my pants, yeah?"

"I only said a snog," Niall says with a laugh as he holds his hands up in defense. "You're the one going further, y'know."

"Like you weren't thinking about it," Louis mutters as he darts his eyes away. Out of the corner of his eye he sees Niall's eyes give him a once over and he forces himself not to shiver from it.

"Could you blame me, if I were?" Niall asks with a grin.

"'C’mon then," Louis says with a nod towards the door. "Think we've got somewhere to be."

It's lucky that the park Niall was talking about is deserted during the night, especially considering how the two of them start getting handsy the moment they step out of the restaurant. Niall leads Louis to a particularly secluded part of the park, where there's a bench surrounded by shrubbery and various trees, but doesn't give Louis any time to make a snarky comment before he's pulled him down onto the bench and starts kissing him.

Louis moans into Niall's mouth and quickly takes the lead, pushing until Niall's practically laid out on his back with Louis on top of him. Niall's hands find their way to Louis' arse just like they did the night before and he squeezes roughly, making Louis moan again and grind his hips down into Niall's.

"Shit," Niall gasps as he breaks away from Louis to let out a harsh breath. "Gonna get indecent here, in a minute."

"S'your fault," Louis murmurs breathlessly as he tucks his head in the crook of Niall's neck, turning so he can mouth at the hot skin there. "Grabbing me arse like that."

"You're the one who climbed on top of me," Niall replies as he shudders, his smile so evident in his voice that Louis can't help but do the same. "Said you won't defile me in me da's kitchen but you'll do it out in the open, won't you?"

"I never said I was going to defile you," Louis says as he bites Niall's collarbone, leaving the skin red when he pulls away. "Might mess you up a bit, though."

"Oh yeah?" Niall asks as he squeezes Louis' bum and nudges his nose against Louis' cheek until he turns his head so they can kiss. Louis smiles as he licks into Niall's mouth, using his tongue as a distraction from the way his hand is sliding down Niall's torso to the top button of his jeans. He tugs on it roughly and forces the zipper down just far enough that he can get his hand inside and under Niall's pants, making them both moan when his hand brushes the hot head of Niall's cock.

Niall shudders violently and breathes out a string of curses as Louis gets his hand wrapped around his cock properly and starts stroking it in spite of the awkward angle. Niall's kisses turn sloppy but remain hungry as Louis wanks him and grinds his own cock against Niall's thigh. It's Louis' turn to shudder when one of Niall's hands slips further down and a finger presses against the rough denim between Louis' arse cheeks, making Louis whimper in the back of his throat.

Niall hitches his knee up to give Louis a better angle to grind against his thigh and pulls his other leg to the side as he bucks his hips up into Louis' hand. They're both breathing so roughly that it's nearly impossible for them to keep kissing, but it certainly doesn't stop them from trying.

"Lou," Niall whispers shakily, "Lou… m'close."

"Yeah," Louis grunts as his hips start to stutter in their rhythm the closer he gets to coming. He squeezes Niall's cock and rubs his thumb over the head, smearing the precome gathered there and loving the way Niall's breath hitches. "Yeah, c'mon."

"Lou, _Lou_ …" Niall whimpers a moment before he's crying out and coming all over himself and Louis' fist. Louis follows not long after, burying his face in Niall's neck as he comes inside his pants.

Louis shakes a little when Niall drags his hand up and over the swell of his arse, resting it on the small of Louis' back as they both catch their breath. Louis grunts against Niall's shoulder as he lifts his head and lets go of Niall's cock, grimacing slightly at the state of his hand.

"Never thought this would happen," Niall says with a deep breath as Louis props himself up against the back of the bench and looks down at Niall instead of at his messy hand.

"What, me wanking you off in a public park?"

"Definitely not," Niall laughs as he lifts his head to kiss the edge of Louis' jaw, "but that's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

"I meant like… all of this," Niall says as he waves his hand around. "You coming back, us… feeling the way we do, I guess? I dunno, it all seems a bit unreal, doesn't it?"

"Maybe," Louis whispers as he avoids Niall's gaze.

"Hey," Niall whispers, gently nudging Louis to try and get his attention again. "I didn't mean it in a bad way, y'know that, right?"

"I know," Louis mumbles. His heart isn't in his response and he knows Niall can tell, he just doesn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry," Niall says earnestly. "I wanted a nice night for us and here I've gone and ruined it."

"You haven't," Louis replies, "I promise, you haven't." He leans down and gives Niall a lingering kiss on the lips. "My pants, on the other hand, I'd say you definitely ruined those."

All trace of sadness is erased from Niall's eyes when Louis pulls away, he's staring up at Louis with a large grin and he shakes his head in disbelief.

" _You_ ruined those all by yourself, don't you blame that on me!"

"Yeah, well," Louis smirks as he wiggles his hand in front of Niall's face, " _this_ is definitely your fault."

Niall gives Louis' hand a considering look before he shrugs. "I'll take half the blame for that one."

Louis rolls his eyes as Niall laughs heartily and lifts his head so he can bring his lips to Louis' neck, teasing and biting the skin there to make Louis groan.

"Someday I'll make a proper mess of you," Niall whispers in Louis' ear and he shivers in return.

"I don't doubt it."

Louis smiles down at Niall as he lies back down on the bench, intending to pull Louis back down with him when they both suddenly go stiff as they hear an unfamiliar noise. In a flash they're both scrambling to sit upright on the bench and look presentable, which means Niall's frantically zipping up his jeans and Louis is trying to decide the least disgusting way to clean off his hand. He wishes he'd brought his wand so he could perform a simple cleaning spell while Niall's preoccupied, but he'd left it at home to avoid any potential situation that would require him to explain why he's carrying around a random stick of wood. Earlier, when he'd been pressed close against Niall, he'd been relieved that he hadn't brought his wand but now he's cursing himself for it.

"Fuck it," he mutters to himself as he quickly wipes his hand against the grass underneath the bench, only barely succeeding in getting it less dirty than before. He manages to pull himself back up just in time to see a figure approach them and as he squints to try and see who it is, he discovers that Niall already knows.

"Harry, what're you doing here?"

"Niall! Louis!" Harry says excitedly, grinning widely at both of them. "Fancy meeting you here!"

"Likewise," Louis mumbles.

"I was just out having a walk and I thought I--" Harry pauses and gives them both a puzzled look, "hang on, are you two alright?"

"Yeah," Niall answers with a nervous laugh, "why?"

"You look… red." Harry tilts his head. "Like, flushed. Have you two been--"

"We were just talking," Louis interrupts quickly, "y'know, like people do when they're… y'know."

"On a date," Niall finishes, scooting closer to Louis and putting his arm behind him. Harry's eyes immediately widen and he looks absolutely delighted, which makes Louis' stomach feel all weird and twisty. It's one thing keeping this thing between him and Niall a secret from his mum, it's quite another to tell a near-stranger about it.

"Oh!" Harry's grin widens and he tucks his hands behind his back, pulling them back out a moment later with a bouquet of flowers held tightly between them and Louis' heart stops.

"Harry--" he starts, but Niall's already on his feet and grabbing them out of Harry's hands.

"How'd you do that?!" Niall asks excitedly as he shows them off to Louis with stars in his eyes. Louis forces a smile, waiting until Niall turns his back to glare disapprovingly at Harry. Between one second and the next, the look on Harry's face changes and he gives the smallest nod Louis has possibly ever seen before he turns to Niall and opens his mouth.

"Louis told me to bring them!"

It takes everything in Louis not to wrap his hands around Harry's neck and wring the daylights out of him, that is _not_ what he meant with his glare! The only thing that keeps Louis from attacking Harry at all is the look on Niall's face when he turns around and sits back down on the bench next to him.

"You didn't have do this," Niall says as he leans in and kisses Louis' cheek. Before Louis can say a word Niall whispers in his ear, "looks like I'm not the only one who knows how to wine and dine."

Louis turns his head and catches Niall's lips with his own, too embarrassed by the flush in his cheeks to try and say anything that won't make him want to cringe when he replays it in his head later on. In that moment he forgets that Harry's still there, but he remembers when the flowers brush against his arm and out of the corner of his eye he sees Harry standing in the same spot, still grinning.

"What're you still doing here, Harry?" Louis asks as he slips his arm around Niall's waist. Harry jerks slightly, as though he'd been lost in his own thoughts and then remembered himself.

"Sorry! I'll leave you two to… whatever it is you're doing." He winks before turning around and walking off in the same direction from where he came, leaving both Niall and Louis slightly stunned and entirely confused.

"He's quite strange, isn't he?" Niall says with a soft laugh. "Was he like that at school?"

"You've got no idea," Louis mumbles.

*

Louis is hoping he can sneak out of the house the following night for his next date with Niall, having spent most of the day in his room concocting the perfect alibi if his mum manages to corner him. Having Harry crash their date the night before gave Louis the idea to use him to get his mum off his back about going out with Niall. He figured if he was hanging around another wizard as opposed to a Muggle like Niall then his mum might be less wary of his mental state.

He manages to avoid the squeaky step on the stairs well enough but it turns out to not matter at all because his mum pops out from around the corner just as he steps off the last stair.

"Off again, are you?" she asks casually, though Louis can tell by her tone that she's trying too hard to not sound worried.

"Yep," he replies. "Meeting an old friend from Hogwarts."

"Oh really? Who's that?"

"Harry. Bit younger than me but a good lad." Louis nods and intends to head for the door but Jay steps in front of him and he fights the urge to groan aloud.

"You've been going out a lot lately," she says, "and whenever you're here you're holed up in your room."

Louis opens his mouth to defend himself but his mum lets out one lone sniffle that drains the fight right out of him. He lets out a slow breath, silently cursing her for always knowing how to get the better of him.

"If you're happy then I'll try not to worry," she says with a shaky breath, "but I do want you to be careful."

"M'always careful, Mum."

"Don't give me that," Jay says as she jabs a finger into Louis' chest, giving him a pointed look as she adds, "I'm your mum, Lou. I know a lot more than you think."

Louis stops breathing for a full minute as he's struck by the memory of what transpired on her doorstep just last night.

After the incident in the park with Harry, Niall and Louis decided it was best for them to go back home. However, Niall insisted on walking Louis to his door instead of separating as they passed his own house.

"Going all out, are we?" Louis asked with a cheeky smile as they stood facing each other in front of the door to his mum's house. Niall beamed at him as he clasped Louis' hands in his own, squeezing them lightly.

"Gotta one up you somehow, don't I?" he said with a small shake of his head. "Can't believe you got Harry to bring me flowers."

Louis' eyes dropped to said flowers, stuffed into Niall's back pocket well enough for the time being. It looked a bit ridiculous but Louis much preferred being able to hold both of Niall's hands instead.

"How are you going to do that?" Louis quips softly, barely having to wait another second before Niall leans in and kisses him.

They spent a good ten minutes snogging on the doorstep and Louis had thought they were quiet enough not to wake up his mum, stepdad, or sisters… but now he's not so sure.

"I'm okay, Mum." Louis smiles at her, half placating her and half hoping she'll just drop the subject before she embarrasses him further.

He's tired of having the same conversation with her time and again but he doesn't know what to do or say to make her stop worrying about him. He doesn't know how to make himself better; he doesn't know if there's anything he _can_ do that will make him better. All he knows is that spending time with Niall makes him happy and for now, that's all he wants to do: be happy.

Sure, the thought of never being able to play Quidditch again eats away at his mind from time to time and he longs for the freeing feeling of flying high on a broomstick, but he still can't get past the panic that floods his veins when he thinks about _falling_. Even if he won't say it out loud, there's a large part of him that's afraid of what could happen if he gets back on a broomstick and falls again. His family already went through the pain of nearly losing him once, he can't bear to think of what they'd do if he had another accident.

"I'm okay," he repeats, both for himself and the sake of his mum, and he hugs her tightly before walking to the front door and out into the night.

Louis releases a long breath as soon as the door shuts behind him, trying to expel the uncertainty in his mind before he glances across the fence to Niall's front door. He doesn't expect it to open a moment later but he's not exactly surprised to see Niall pop out, shouting back into the house before he closes his door and looks Louis' way.

They share the same kind of hesitant yet excited smile, the type they've been giving each other a lot over the last few days. There's a flutter in Louis' chest that makes him feel warm and giddy and fills him with urgency to have Niall in his arms again as soon as possible.

"Hi," Niall says breathlessly after they've kissed hello, having met in the middle between their two houses. "Ready?"

"Definitely," Louis replies as he slips his hand into Niall's, warm and familiar as he laces their fingers together and squeezes.

In retrospect, that warm and familiar feeling is probably what led to Louis getting drunk. He's begun to let his guard down around Niall - not enough to tell him about wizards and witches and the expansive world of magic, but enough that after two pints he's starting to forget why he was hesitant about getting involved with Niall in the first place.

"I like you," he declares as Niall sits down next to him in their booth, having just fetched their third round of pints. Louis smiles as Niall looks at him with pink cheeks, probably more from alcohol than something akin to embarrassment at Louis' sudden admittance.

"I like you too," he ends up replying after a moment, wasting no further time before he plants a quick kiss on Louis' lips.

"I also like beer," Louis says before he takes a long draft from his pint glass, drinking a full third of it before he sets it down again. Niall laughs heartily and takes a much smaller sip of his own.

"I see that. Like it a lot, don't you?"

Louis hums consideringly as he taps his fingers against the glass and nods. "Like you more, though."

"Yeah?" Niall asks as one of his hands slips under the table and his fingers graze across Louis' thigh. Louis hums again as he takes another long drink of his pint while he spreads his legs a little, pushing his thigh closer to Niall and wordlessly urging him to continue.

"Mhmm. A lot more," Louis says, pushing his now half-drunk glass away as he tilts his head towards Niall and grins. "A _lot_."

Niall laughs again, softer this time as though it's a place holder for words he can't bring himself to say aloud, and brings his glass up to his lips. Louis leans in closer and puts his mouth to Niall's ear, letting his lips brush against the sensitive skin there far more than necessary as he speaks.

"Wanna show you how much."

Niall doesn't exactly choke but the sound he makes isn't far off as he quickly puts his glass down and wipes at his mouth. Louis snickers a little but doesn't move away, instead he lowers his mouth to where Niall's jaw meets his neck and starts teasing him with long, slow kisses.

"Louis," Niall whispers with a sharp breath, his fingers digging into Louis' thigh when Louis nips at his sensitive skin. "If you don't stop…"

"What?" Louis breathes hotly, rubbing his tongue over the spot he's just bitten and then letting out a soft moan when he presses his lips there a moment later.

"We'll get kicked out for sure," Niall says in a shaky voice, his breath catching in his throat with a soft grunt as Louis brushes his hand between Niall's legs.

"Maybe we should go somewhere, then." Louis smiles wickedly when Niall looks at him with dark eyes. Louis raises his eyebrows up in a challenge; his level of intoxication making him bolder than need be, as if Niall would even consider turning him down.

"S'pose we'd better," Niall replies and a moment later he's sliding out of the booth and extending his hand to Louis, who takes one last long sip of his pint before he follows suit. Niall rolls his eyes and laughs, but his laughter dies out quickly as soon as they leave the pub.

It may or may not have something to do with his mouth being otherwise occupied.

Neither seem to want to stop kissing long enough to confirm where they're headed but instead they instinctively head back towards their neighborhood, tripping over each other's feet the whole way there. With the amount of alcohol they consumed at the pub and the way they can't keep their hands or mouths off each other, it's a wonder they can walk at all. They end up in Niall's driveway, Niall pressed against the back of his own truck while Louis kisses him like it's the last thing he'll ever do.

"Should we--" Louis breathes out, breaking away from Niall's mouth but getting caught off-guard when Niall starts sucking at his neck, " _fuck_ , should we go inside?"

"Mine?" Niall gasps in return. "Or yours?"

"Not mine," Louis replies immediately, followed by a soft moan when Niall kisses him again. He has to push him away so he can speak again, "my mum will wake up for sure."

"You'd rather have Bobby walk in on us?" Niall asks with a breathy chuckle. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Obviously not, but d'you have any better ideas?"

Niall thinks about it for a moment, tilting his head towards the bed of his truck. Louis follows his gaze and then squawks loudly as he slaps Niall's shoulder.

"What?!"

"You're not getting me in the back of that thing," Louis replies simply.

"Why not?" Niall says as he noses at Louis' jawline. "Could be fun."

Louis groans softly, shivering as Niall breathes against his skin, but pulls further back and shakes his head firmly. "Nope, nuh-uh. Bed or bust."

"You drive a hard bargain," Niall laughs. "You'll have to be quiet, y'know."

"I can be quiet!" Louis says, meaning to say it quietly but in his still-intoxicated state it comes out far louder than expected and Niall laughs all over again. "I can!"

"Yeah," he says between laughs, "you're doing a bang-up job right now."

"Well, then maybe you should make me be quiet," Louis murmurs as he leans in and presses their lips together. Niall hums into the kiss as his hands slip down Louis' back and down to his arse, grinning when Louis jumps.

"Kinda like it when you're loud, if I'm honest."

Niall's eyes sparkle when Louis meets them with his own and an idea pops into his head that his mind is too muddled to cast off as a bad idea. If he can manage to get Niall to turn his back on him for a few minutes once they're upstairs, he can cast the Muffliato Charm to prevent Bobby from hearing them. He made sure to tuck his wand into his inside coat pocket before leaving the house earlier in the evening, not keen on being stuck in a similar situation as the night before.

It's a risk, but Louis' too far gone to worry about the consequences.

"We'll make it work," he replies with a smile.

Louis manages to snag an opportunity to perform the charm when Niall goes to double-check that Bobby is in bed (and asleep) for the night, and he's thankful that he still has somewhat quick reflexes even in his drunken state because it allows him to hide his wand in his coat again before he discards it onto the floor of Niall's room.

He's attempting to pull his shirt over his head when Niall wraps his arms around Louis' torso and kisses the exposed skin of his shoulder while his hands dip below Louis' belt. Niall grins when he hears Louis moan, but he tries to hush him even as he keeps kissing across Louis' back.

"Quiet, remember?" he reminds Louis gently after he's finally tossed his shirt aside and turned around in Niall's arms.

"Less talking, more touching," Louis replies with a grin of his own as he slips his hands under the hem of Niall's shirt and pulls it up over his head. The moment it falls to the floor they're kissing again and both reaching for each other's belts, their hands knocking against one another's as they snicker against each other's mouths.

Niall steps out of his jeans after they've fallen to the floor and he walks the few step backwards towards his bed before he sits down and motions for Louis to follow his lead. Louis smiles and keeps his eyes fixed on Niall as he kicks his own jeans off from around his ankles and crawls on top of him, pinning him down on his back.

All it takes for Louis to moan loudly is one touch of Niall's hand on his cock, embarrassing only in the way it makes it clear how easy Louis is for him in this moment.

"Shh," Niall says with a laugh as he slowly eases Louis' pants down his thighs, "you don't want Bobby walking in on us, do you?"

"Can't--" Louis inhales sharply when Niall takes his cock in hand and starts stroking it, "help it," he finishes with a cut-off groan.

Niall presses his mouth to Louis' to swallow his moans as he starts stroking him faster with one hand as he grabs Louis' arse with the other. Louis scrambles to hold himself up over Niall with just one arm so he can start returning the favor, feeling frantic with the need to touch him and make Niall feel as good as he feels.

"What d'you want?" Niall gasps, still trying to keep their mouths connected even as he speaks. Louis rocks his hips down against Niall's, rubbing their cocks together as he lifts his head up to break the kiss just so he can _breathe_. He looks down at their cocks as Niall lets out a whimper and twitches his hips upward to get more friction and Louis has to bite his lip to hold back another moan.

"Can I fuck you?" he asks in a low rumble, dropping his head back down to kiss the juncture of Niall's jaw and neck, keeping his mouth close to Niall's ear as he whispers further encouragement.

"Fuck," Niall breathes out harshly, letting go of Louis' cock to grab his arse with both hands. He groans as Louis pants in his ear while whispering all the things he wants to do with Niall like this.

"Stretch you out," he moans, "then fill you up and make you wanna scream." Louis presses his face into Niall's neck and shivers at the thought of being inside of him. "Please, Niall, wanna fuck you so, so bad."

"Yeah," Niall cries out suddenly and pulls Louis' hips to his own, "fuck, yeah, do it," he whimpers, "want it, Lou."

"Yeah?" Louis closes his eyes and inhales deeply as he bites just below Niall's ear, grinning wickedly when Niall shudders. "Want my tongue first?"

"Fuck," Niall growls as Louis teases the skin of Niall's neck with his tongue, "fuck, yes, yes, _yes_ , fuckin' do it already, god!"

"Alright, pushy," Louis says with a chuckle as he props himself up above Niall as best he can, "you'll have to let go of my arse, though."

Niall hums as he squeezes Louis' arse roughly and gives one cheek a good, solid smack before he lets go. "S'pose I can give it up for now," he adds cheekily after Louis gasps.

"Turn over," Louis grunts, looking down at Niall with a fierce hunger in his eyes, "now."

There's a bit of fumbling around as Niall flips over onto his stomach and Louis kneels behind him, but it's all forgotten the moment Louis' tongue touches Niall's hole for the first time.

"Shit," Niall breathes out through a harsh groan. Louis moans and licks him again, pressing his tongue against Niall firmly as he tightly grips the cheeks of his arse with his fingers. Niall starts muttering more curses under his breath but his voice rises in volume every time Louis' tongue breaches his hole, which means Louis takes every opportunity to do just that.

It's not long before Niall is all but a whimpering mess underneath him, begging and pleading for more as he shakes from the overwhelming pleasure. Louis takes one of his hands off of Niall's arse and presses a finger against his hole, slowly easing it in alongside his tongue when it's wet enough to slide in. Niall cries out and begs for more which Louis is all too happy to give him.

"Like that?" he asks, his breath heavy on Niall's arse as he pushes his finger in further.

"Yeah," Niall groans, "feels so fuckin' good, Lou."

Louis moans and starts working in another finger, slipping his tongue between them while he puts his free hand between Niall's legs and starts playing with his cock. Niall shouts and buries his face in a pillow to muffle the sound while his thighs tremble with the effort to stay up on his knees for Louis. He thrusts one of his arms out wildly, grasping for the bedside table as best he can without pulling away from Louis' mouth. He barely manages to miss hitting Louis in the face with the bottle of lube he tosses behind him, but Louis can't really blame him at all.

"C'mon," Niall gasps, "open me up proper, need your cock _now_."

"Fuck," Louis pants, "alright, fuck," he mumbles as he grabs the bottle of lube and withdraws his fingers from Niall's arse, coating them as quickly as he can so he can work them back into Niall's arse along with a third.

Niall pushes his hips back against Louis' hand, urging Louis to go faster as he fucks his fingers in and out of Niall's hole as he stretches it enough to fit his cock inside. Louis is almost as desperate as Niall to start fucking him, he just hopes he'll last long enough to make Niall come before he does.

"Want it like this?" Louis asks as he leans down, brushing his lips against Niall's shoulder with three fingers still deep in his arse. "Or on your back?"

"Back," Niall groans, "wanna se-- wanna kiss you."

"Alright," Louis murmurs, kissing Niall's shoulder again before he lifts himself onto his knees and gently pulls his fingers out of Niall, waiting as patiently as he can for Niall to turn over. There's a smile on Niall's face when he flips onto his back and Louis leans down to kiss it, his own smile making it rather difficult.

Niall also presses a small plastic package against Louis' wrist, something Louis hadn't realized he'd grabbed along with the lube. He recognizes that it's a condom, even though it's a Muggle brand he's never seen before, so thankfully he doesn't end up looking like a fool in front of Niall.

After he rolls on the condom and positions himself, Louis leans down to kiss Niall as he slowly pushes in. Niall lets out a soft whimper against Louis' lips but puts one of his hands around the back of Louis' neck to keep him in place, their lips pressed together as Louis fills him up.

Louis groans and shakes as he bottoms out, turning his head so his nose presses against Niall's cheek as he breathes heavily with Niall still clutching his neck. It's been so long since Louis was intimate with anyone that it's like he feels everything a thousand times more than usual and Louis' heart is threatening to burst right out of his chest. Niall murmurs never-ending encouragement in his ear and presses kisses against Louis' cheek as best he can when Louis hides his face.

"M'good, Lou," he breathes out softly, "c'mon."

Louis takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly before he lifts his head and catches Niall's eye. A gentle smile spreads across Niall's face as he looks up at Louis and for a sobering moment, Louis is struck with a warmth in his heart he's never felt before. He closes his eyes and kisses Niall, moaning softly as Niall's fingers slide into his hair.

"Gonna make you scream," he whispers, his lips barely an inch away from Niall's.

"Looking forward to it," Niall quips in return, his smirk identical to Louis'.

Louis takes that as a challenge and his smirk grows even larger as he starts moving his hips, slowly at first but gradually picking up speed with every sound that falls from Niall's mouth. He discovers that Niall _really_ responds when he attaches his mouth to Niall's neck and sucks hard on his skin, turning the color from a light pink to a dark purple before he'll relent. Niall shudders in his arms as the gasps and groans become louder and more frequent with every thrust of Louis' hips.

That's not to say that Louis isn't making an absurd amount of noise too, but most of his are muffled against Niall's neck. Part of him keeps expecting Niall to scold him for being too loud but it never comes, all he hears is Niall begging him to keep going.

"That's it," Niall gasps. "Just like that, so good."

"Fuck," Louis grunts as his hips slam against Niall's, "you feel so fucking good."

Louis pulls against Niall's arms and lifts himself up enough that he can change the angle of which he's fucking into Niall, which sends both of them into a new fit of moans and gasps almost immediately. Sweat feels like it's dripping from every inch of Louis' skin, making the glide of his body against Niall's slicker than before but making it harder for Louis to keep a steady grip. He gets up on his knees and hooks Niall's legs over his elbows and starts thrusting even harder than before, moaning loudly with each one.

"Touch yourself," he begs, "wanna see."

Niall whines with his eyes closed, tugging on his own hair with one hand while the other drops down past his belly and wraps around his cock tightly. He tries to pull himself off in time with Louis' thrusts but he becomes more and more desperate with every passing second and soon his hand is simply a blur that Louis can hardly even focus on.

"Gonna come," Niall gasps, "fuck, Louis, _fuck_!"

Louis looks down at Niall's face at the same moment that Niall's eyes open right before he lets out a long, loud moan and comes. That one look is enough for Louis' orgasm to take him by surprise and he comes instantly, his hips stilling in their thrusts but keeping a slow grind against Niall's arse as he rides it out with a series of moans that, if he hadn't charmed the room to prevent sound escaping, would've definitely woken up Bobby.

"Shit," he says with a sharp breath and a quick laugh.

"Yeah," Niall replies with a similar laugh. "That was something, wasn't it?"

Louis looks down at Niall and a warm smile blooms across his face. "Certainly was."

*

Louis doesn't awake with a start the next morning, but he's well aware that he's somewhere other than his own room from the first moment he opens his eyes. It takes a minute for him to realize that he's in Niall's room, that the body still sleeping next to him is Niall, and then there's a flood of memories from the night before. If he closes his eyes he can still feel Niall's hands and lips on him, the sound of Niall's voice right before he came, and that makes Louis' heart beat wildly - but not like it had the night before.

Now his chest feels tight and his mind is riddled with panic. What has he done?

He slips out of Niall's bed as carefully as he can and takes extra care when gathering his clothes from yesterday and pulling them on. Niall only shifts a little in the five minutes it takes Louis to dress himself, and Louis takes it as a blessing that Niall doesn't wake up as he leaves.

It's another blessing that Bobby either isn't up yet or just isn't around to see Louis sneak out of the house, but he isn't so lucky when he gets back to his mum's house. He can hear the lively chatter of his sisters before he even opens the front door and all the time in the world wouldn't prepare him to face them at this moment.

He passes by the door to the kitchen so fast that his mum barely has the time to call out his name in a question before he's halfway up the stairs. He pauses but can't find his voice to answer her so instead he climbs the rest of the stairs and shuts himself up in his room.

Any shred of hope that some time to himself would be best at this moment was obliterated the moment Louis sat down on his bed and cradled his head in his hands, because he discovers that solitude is far more damaging to his psyche than he ever thought possible. The more he tries to keep his breathing steady, the harder it is for him to draw even one full breath. He shuts his eyes to keep the room from spinning around him and all he sees is flashes from the night before that make his stomach turn.

He never should've allowed himself to get in this deep with Niall, he should've listened to his mum when she tried to warn him. He's ruined everything, he's sure of it, and it's no one's fault but his own.

It takes longer than it should for Louis to realize that the voice he's hearing isn't coming from inside his own head but rather it's his mum on the other side of the door, shouting at him to open it or she'll do it herself. His legs feel like they're filled with lead, his arms feel disconnected from his body, and his mind is so sluggish that even if he wanted to get up and open the door, he couldn't.

"Lou? Louis, baby, are you alright?" Jay asks, her worried tone all too familiar. It's the same tone she used that day he fainted out in the garden after just _touching_ a broomstick, only this time Louis can't take it anymore.

"Mum," he rasps, his voice a shell of what it normally is. He manages to lift his head to look at her but his vision is blurry from the tears he hadn't realized he was crying. "Mum, I can't."

"Can't what?" she asks hurriedly. "What's wrong?"

"I can't do this," he whispers, "I can't, Mum, I need help."

"Tell me, love. Tell me what you need." Jay holds back a sob as she wraps her arms around Louis and holds him tightly. "I'll do whatever you need."

"Take me back," Louis says as he shuts his eyes and clings to her, his breathing panicked and shallow. "St. Mungos, now, I can't-- I need--"

"Shh, baby," Jay says soothingly, "it's going to be alright. We'll get you help, you'll be okay."

*

Louis wakes up without having remembered falling asleep, nor does he really remember getting to St. Mungos at all. He knows that's exactly where he is because he remembers the feel of the sheets on the hospital bed, the supposedly calming tannish-yellow color of the walls, and the lone chair in the corner of the room that was usually empty whenever Louis woke up.

This time, it's not empty. But instead of his mum sitting there like Louis assumed she might be, it's Liam. It's unclear how long Liam's been sitting there waiting for Louis to wake up, but from the look on his face Louis is willing to guess he's been here quite a while.

"You alright?" he asks softly as he stands up and walks over towards Louis' bed.

"Dunno," Louis answers honestly. "Reckon I need a new head altogether."

"Reckon you do, seeing as how this one just causes you problems."

"Liam--"

"D'you know what you put your mum through? _Again_?" Liam shakes his head.

"I'm here, aren't I?" Louis snaps. "I'll get help."

"Will you? Is there anyone here who can help you?"

"Liam--"

"Have you even tried to help yourself?" Liam asks, his voice teetering on the edge of desperation. "Or have you just been shutting everyone out, like you always do?"

Louis scowls and turns his head away from Liam to hide his face. Liam's always been able to see right through him and it angers Louis to no end. He doesn't know what's going on inside Louis' head, he doesn't know what it's like to wonder if he's ever going to be alright again and whether or not Louis will ever be able to play Quidditch like he used to.

 _But_ , Louis begrudgingly starts to admit to himself after only a few seconds of stewing in his anger, _he's got a point_.

"I don't mean to," Louis mutters. "It just happens, alright?"

"We just want to help. Me, your mum, your sisters; we're just trying to help."

"I don't know how to let you help! You make it sound so easy, _just let you help_! How am I supposed to do that, Liam, when I've got no idea what's wrong with my head in the first place!"

Liam stays silent throughout Louis' outburst, like he's biding his time. It only makes Louis angrier having Liam stare at him with that sad look on his face, like he's expecting Louis to crumble right before his very eyes.

"I just want things to go back to the way they were! I want to be normal! I want to be ha--" Louis' breath catches on the word 'happy' and he's struck by the memory of just how happy he was when he was with Niall. It's the happiest he's remembered feeling in a long time, possibly since before the accident when Quidditch stopped feeling exciting and became just his job.

"Can I ask you something?" Liam pulls his chair closer to Louis' bed and rests his arms on the edge of the mattress. "Without you biting my head off, preferably."

"You can try," Louis replies with just enough snark to hide the shaky timbre of his voice.

"Have you told anyone what happened?"

Louis looks away from Liam again. "You were there, Liam. You know what happened."

"That's different. Have you talked about it? Have you actually said the words out loud to someone else?" Louis remains quiet for a long time, long enough that Liam appears to actually give up on him ever speaking again. "Okay," he whispers softly as he gets up from his chair and drags it back across the floor to the corner he pulled it out of.

Louis waits until Liam's about to leave entirely before he speaks just barely above a whisper. "It's not that easy."

"What if it is?" Liam asks. He turns back around and Louis looks up at him through the tears in his eyes, threatening to spill out onto his cheeks at any moment.

"What if it's not?" Louis looks down at his hands and fights the wobble of his bottom lip. "Every time I think about it, my chest gets tight and I feel like I can't breathe. What if talking about it just makes it worse?"

"You won't know until you try."

"I can't." Louis shakes his head. "I can't, Liam."

"Okay," Liam replies, offering Louis a sad smile. "Maybe tomorrow you will. Get some rest, yeah?"

*

Louis doesn't expect to get visitors while he's in St. Mungos, mostly because he can't actually remember if he had them the last time he was here. His mum pops in every so often, but since she works as a Healer on the floors below he doesn't think she really counts as a proper visitor. Liam, on the other hand, takes it upon himself to visit Louis every day.

He lets Louis steer their conversation any which way he pleases, talking endlessly about absolute nonsense until they come to a natural pause where they both fall silent. It's then that Liam takes an opportunity to calmly ask, "how about today?"

The first time he asked, Louis has no idea what he was talking about. He simply stared at Liam in confusion for a few minutes until it dawned on him: Liam was asking if he was ready to talk about his accident.

"Not today," Louis answered.

Liam lets the subject go, and usually departs shortly after. Every afternoon he comes back and waits for his turn to ask, and every afternoon Louis shuts him down.

"Are you going to keep asking?"

Liam pauses as he's putting on his jacket and shrugs. "You'll be ready someday."

"But you already know what happened," Louis says. "It wouldn't count."

"Don't say that, Lou. Everything counts."

Louis rolls his eyes partly to show disdain for Liam's constant positivity but mostly because he thinks if he opens his mouth he might give away too much. He's just not ready to let in anyone, least of all Liam.

Neither of them say another word as Liam leaves, but it doesn't mean neither of them have nothing to say. Louis just can't bring himself to say anything and Liam has learned when it's better not to say anything at all.

When Louis wakes up the following morning he knows that today's the day before Liam even shows up. He laid awake long into the night thinking about what Liam had said - _everything counts_ \- and it seems as though Liam's words sunk into his brain and erased most of his worries.

That's not to say that Louis isn't bricking it all morning waiting for Liam to show up because he absolutely is. Every time he starts planning out what he's going to say his mind becomes a jumble of words and feelings and it all goes tits up. By the time Liam arrives Louis is in such a state that he doesn't even let Liam say hello before he snaps at him.

"Don't even bother today."

"What?" Liam asks. He's in the middle of closing the door behind him when Louis speaks and his face immediately drops into worry. "What're you--"

"I don't want to chit chat today," Louis goes on. "I just want to get this over with, okay?"

Liam's so surprised by his directness that he stays frozen in place with his hand on the doorknob until Louis clears his throat expectantly and Liam seems to snap back into reality.

"Right," he mutters to himself as he takes off his jacket and hangs it up before dragging the chair across the room to Louis' bed. "Where d'you want to start?"

Louis blows out a long breath and settles back down into his bed, making himself comfortable before he lets himself begin. He has no idea how long this will take or even if he'll be able to get through it all, but he what he does know is that he has to try.

It's easier than he thought it would be, once he gets going. He keeps his eyes firmly on either his hands or the swirly pattern of the duvet over his legs because he's not entirely sure if he'll be able to continue if he looks Liam in the eye. It's one thing to talk about his accident, it's another to lay himself bare and let Liam see the fear in his eyes.

Liam, to his credit, doesn't say a word. He lets Louis talk for as long as he needs to and he doesn't make a move to reach for his hand or touch him in any way. He sits quietly with his hands folded in his lap, waiting for Louis to finish while he hangs onto the hope that it'll help him.

Even after Louis stops speaking Liam still stays silent for a few minutes, just in case there's anything else he wants to get off his chest. He waits until Louis huffs loudly and thumps his fists against the mattress in frustration.

"Well?" he demands.

"Do you feel better?" Liam asks and Louis deflates immediately.

"I guess," he mumbles. "Felt alright, y'know, getting it out."

"Good." Liam smiles. "I'm proud of you."

"Shut up," Louis says with a groan. "You're starting to sound like my mum."

"I just meant that I know that wasn't easy for you, so to have you actually talk about what happened and _why_ it happened and what that means…" Liam shrugs. "It's good. I'm proud of you."

"Stop saying that." Louis turns his head, knowing full well it doesn't hide the embarrassed flush in his cheeks. Liam clears his throat and catches Louis' attention as he glances back at the door behind him.

"There's someone else here to visit you, if you're up for it."

"Who is it?" Louis asks. Liam doesn't answer as he gets up and walks over to the door, steadfastly ignoring Louis repeating his question as he steps out of the room and closes the door behind him. Louis huffs loudly and hits the mattress again before crossing his arms, cursing Liam for never telling him anything.

The minutes between when Liam closes the door and when he opens it again are, in reality, very short. But to Louis it might as well have been an hour when left alone to stew in his own thoughts and irrational anger. He's ready to pounce and tell Liam off for leaving him alone like that, but before he can say a word he catches a glimpse of who Liam's brought with him.

"Harry?" Louis blinks, half-positive he's seeing things. "What're you doing here?"

Harry starts to explain but Louis doesn't hear a single word of it because his eyes are drawn to a third figure in the doorway and his heart stops beating.

"Don't freak out," Liam says, already trying to diffuse the situation as he herds Harry and Niall further into the room.

"Don't freak out??" Louis repeats, his voice far more hysterical than he'll ever admit to in the future. "Niall can't be here!" he hisses. "Don't you realize what you've done bringing a _Muggle_ to a--"

"A wizard hospital?" Niall finishes for him. Louis stares at him and Niall laughs awkwardly. "I, um, I know all about… y'know. The magic thing."

"How…?"

All Louis has to do is take one glance around the room to know who the culprit is: Harry.

"I didn't mean to!" Harry tries. "I don't know how he figured it out, he just _did_."

"What d'you mean, you don't know? Merlin's beard, Harry, you're the least inconspicuous wizard there ever was!" Louis shouts.

"Louis," Liam says in a warning tone, though it gives way to another tone that Louis knows means he's really not that far off.

"The Ministry is _not_ going to be pleased with me," Harry mumbles sadly. "They'll say all my data's invalid, all that time wasted." He lets out a pathetic whine and buries his head against Liam's shoulder. Liam puts his arm around Harry and awkwardly pats his shoulder as he looks between Niall and Louis, and Louis knows what's going to happen next before Liam even opens his mouth.

"C'mon, let's let these two talk alone for a bit," he says, mostly to Harry but he gives Louis a pointed look before he ushers Harry back outside, murmuring that Harry won't get sacked from the Ministry just because one Muggle figured him out. It's probably a lie, but Harry seems to appreciate it all the same.

Niall hesitates by the door even after it's closed behind Liam and Louis hates the way he feels like he can't even look in Niall's direction without feeling guilty. He deserves it, of course, but part of him had hoped that he'd never have to face Niall again after what he did.

"So," Niall starts. Louis lifts his head, expecting him to continue, but all Niall does is release a short breath and shrug his shoulders.

"So," Louis repeats. "Now you know my secret."

Niall laughs, quick and unexpected. "You've only got one?"

"Touché," Louis murmurs as he drops his head again.

"I know you're a wizard," Niall says as he takes a step closer. "And I know you had an accident." Another step. "Playing some sport that is definitely _not_ football." With one more step, Niall's more than halfway across the room. "And I know you and Harry went to the same school for wizards." He steps in front of the chair Liam left by Louis' bedside and sits down in it. "And that's why you disappeared all those years ago."

"I wanted to tell you," Louis says quietly. "My mum--"

"I told you," Niall interrupts, "you don't need to explain that. Your mum was doing what she thought was best and I accept that."

"Okay," Louis whispers, already bracing himself for what he's sure is coming next.

"What you _do_ need to explain is why you did it again," Niall says with a sigh. "Especially when you promised you wouldn't."

"I'm sorry," Louis begins. Even to his own ears it sounds weak and more of an excuse than anything else, but Niall doesn't call him out on it. "My head's not right. Hasn't been for a while."

"Because of your accident?"

Louis shrugs. "S'pose so." He shakes his head and lets out a hollow laugh. "I'm starting to wonder if it was messed up before."

"What d'you mean?"

"It's stupid," Louis mumbles. He feels embarrassed about it now that he's talking to Niall. Before, with Liam, he'd been able to say just about anything that popped into his head. Now he feels guarded, like he has to think about everything he says ten steps before he gets around to saying it.

"Louis," Niall says with an exasperated sigh. "M'trying to understand, here. I can't do that if you won't talk to me."

"It's stupid," Louis repeats.

"It's not stupid--"

"Yes, it is!" Louis shouts. "I was feeling sorry for myself that day! All I kept thinking about during the match was how Liam's parents still came to as many matches as they can when my mum hasn't been to one in ages. And I was _mad_ about it, like I've got any right to be! I've barely been home since I left Hogwarts because my life's been about Quidditch ever since and I thought it was enough because I loved it so much for so long, but it's not!"

Louis stops to gulp down a breath, his heart racing a million beats per second as he stares Niall down. He hadn't gotten that upset while talking to Liam, but he suspects that's because he didn't go nearly as deep into himself as he thought he had.

"I wasn't paying attention," Louis mutters as he drops his head and stares at the duvet. "I was stuck in my own head, feeling sorry for myself, and by the time I heard Liam shouting it was too late. There's these things called Bludgers," he laughs a little as he stops to explain, finding the situation a little ridiculous in spite of the seriousness of it all, "and the job of the Beaters is to hit them towards the Chasers to make scoring more difficult. I didn't see it coming, not at all."

"What'd it do?" Niall asks.

"Knocked me clean off my broom," Louis says with a long breath. "I fell. They say I fell fifty feet, but…" He shudders. "Felt a lot further to me."

"Jesus," Niall mutters under his breath. "You're lucky to be alive."

"Don't I know it," Louis replies. "Woke up here a week later. Everything from the neck down was fine because, y'know, _magic_. My head, though," he says as he taps his temple. "Still shit."

Niall doesn't say a word and Louis doesn't know what to make of it. He lets the silence go for as long as he can before he starts feeling restless. He doesn't know when he got desperate for Niall's attention, approval, or whatever he craves, but now it's all he can hope for.

"I went back to my mum's because everyone thought it would help me to get away from Quidditch for a while. I didn't think anything of it at the time, I hadn't figured anything out because I was being stubborn about everything."

"Surprise, surprise," Niall mutters. Louis lets it slide, figuring Niall's owed at least one or two (or several) jabs at his expense.

"I just…" Louis sighs, "I lost interest in Quidditch. Maybe somewhere deep down I thought that if I went back home, I'd find what I lost."

"What did you find?" Niall asks softly as he looks up and meets Louis' eye. "Something else to lose interest in?"

Louis breathes out harshly, taken aback by Niall's statement. "Is that what you think?"

"What am I supposed to think, Louis? You _left_."

"I didn't want to hurt you!"

"Too fucking late!" Niall half-shouts as he suddenly gets up from the chair and starts pacing around it. "Y'know, it's funny. It's not really funny, but it's funny how I thought you coming back meant you'd be there to stay. Not that you'd make me fall in love with you and then disappear all over again."

"I didn't mean to," Louis whispers.

"What do you want from me, Louis?" Niall asks. "Because if you want something, tell me. If you don't, then I'll leave. I'll forget all about you, god knows I did once. I could do it again, if I tried."

Louis stares at Niall for a long time; he sees the tears in his eyes that give away how even saying the words hurts Niall more than Louis ever dreamed possible, and it's exactly what he didn't want to have happen.

"I was scared," Louis admits. "I'd never felt that way before, the way I did when I was with you. It scared me."

"You can't run away every time you're scared." Niall shakes his head. "You'll just be running forever."

"I know that."

"Do you?"

"Yes!" Louis replies, although even as he says the word, he's unsure. He's terrified even now of what could happen between them. He lets out a long sigh and after, his voice shakes a little. "But I don't know how to change me."

"You have to find your happiness, Lou." Niall sits back down in the chair, keeping his hands to himself as he folds them in his lap. "You find what makes you happy, and you hold onto it as tight as you can."

Louis pauses for a long moment, breathing in and out steadily as he gathers the courage to extend his arm towards Niall. He turns his palm upside down and offers his hand to Niall, terrified beyond anything he's ever felt before that he'll be rejected but hoping against hope that Niall will give him his hand in return.

Niall waits almost as long, if not longer, to slowly reach out and slip his hand into Louis'. The only sound in the room is the beat of their hearts and the gentle breaths from their mouths, but all Louis can concentrate on is the feeling of Niall's hand in his own.

"I won't let go," he whispers.

**Epilogue**

It's all familiar: the sounds, the smells, the feeling of Louis' Quidditch gear. It all fits the same as it did a year before and while part of him is relieved, the other part still has doubts about this being a good idea. He still remembers the terror he felt when he climbed onto a broom for the first time in practice, how he could barely hover above five feet before he started panicking. It was a slow and tedious recovery to get Louis comfortable enough to fly high all on his own - but he had support every step of the way.

"You'll be great," Liam murmurs in Louis' ear, his arm hooked around Louis' neck. "Just like old times."

"Better than," Louis replies with a smile. Liam smiles back at him before they're being ushered onto the pitch to the sound of excited screams.

There's a small moment where Louis's heart races before his feet leave the ground, a few seconds where he's struck with the tiniest shred of doubt, but he glances up into the stands and he finds a pair of eyes that offer him comfort.

Niall's cheering at the top of his lungs already, on his feet and surrounded by Louis' sisters in the stands while Bobby sits nearby with Jay and Dan.

Louis kicks away from the ground and does a loop around the pitch on his broomstick, flying close enough to the stands to make sure Niall sees him blow a kiss in his direction. Niall returns the gesture even as Daisy's trying to climb onto his shoulders for a better view, making Louis laugh as he flies over to where Liam's already hovering near the middle goalpost.

"Alright?" he calls to Louis.

"Never better," he calls back, no trace of a lie in his voice. Louis has found his home; he's found his happiness, and he's never letting it go.

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](http://imlouisaf.tumblr.com)


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